Dive
by bluejay013
Summary: Peridot and Lapis dance on the lines of love and hate before realizing that you don't have to be similar to be compatible. The story follows the couple as they mature as individuals and learn to deal with the problems that make them human. Human Au. The chapters get progressively better and longer (and funnier?) POV switches every chapter. Rated M for language and sexual content.
1. The Big Donut

Author's Note: Hi! I'm Jay. This chapter is from Lapis' Pov, but it will switch every chapter. Thanks for giving my story a chance. I think it's progressively getting better because I feel like I grow as an author with every chapter. Enjoy and feel free to comment. :)

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When Lars called me and told me there was a problem in the store, this is frankly not what I had expected. Lars is a relatively close friend to me, but solely because we met in middle school, shared a similar view of the world, and never had a reason to stop being friends after that. We're not the type of friends who hang out regularly, mostly because he's too busy sleeping with Sadie, and I'm too busy working, but even without constant communication, Lars and I (usually) have each others backs. That's why I rushed over to the Big Donut at 8am when I'd rather be sleeping, painting, swimming, or doing literally anything else. The way he called made it seem like there was a wild animal in the store. "We have a serious problem! You need to get here now! Sadie's busy with her mom and I don't know what to do!" So, naturally I came over to help with my possession of extreme life skills to smooth things over for my horribly disadvantaged friend.

When I get to the store, I take a good look at the "serious problem", and there are three things I notice about her: she's short, she's annoying, and she has the self-justified, authoritative air of a librarian telling someone to be quiet. I tune in to her constant stream of yells. "I want to see the security tapes!" She slams her hand on the counter " Or maybe you just want to fess up now and say that you did it! I know it was you!"

Her tone is crude, and if it was anyone else I would've been completely disgusted, but somehow I feel the need to defend her. She's not trying to be a douche right now, she just feels like she has to. That's how she's trying to gain power and respect in this situation. Her aggressive actions are all bark and no bite. They're probably tactics to compensate for the fact that she looks like a busty preteen. She's obviously failing at gaining the respect she wants, but at least she's trying. She isn't physically intimidating, and her social skills seemed to be lacking. Her way of dress is casual and messy. She seems smart based on her vocabulary, but she lacks almost all social ability. If she was street smart she would probably know better than to pick fights this way. She was leaning over the counter spilling her mind onto an overwhelmed Lars. I decide to interject here. I do so calmly to conceal my own collection of overbearing emotions. Part of me wants to talk to her civilly and see if the way I profiled her matches up with her reality, but the other part of me wants to rip her from the counter and slap her for talking to Lars the way she is. I walk up to her "I'd calm down if I were you," I say placing my hand on her shoulder.

She rips her body away from me and looks me up and down before deciding that I'm somehow a better fit for her to complain to. I look at her face, it feels familiar even though I know we've never met. I've probably seen her in school. She extends her hand to shake, but I decline. "I'm Peridot Peters, and _someone_ ," Her eyes cut to Lars "ran over my bike yesterday. It was parked outside of the arcade and Mr. Smiley told me he saw a green jeep hit it, and after a quick bit of research, I found out that _Lars Barriga_ ," She spits out his name and does this weird thing where she tries to roll her r's but fails. I have to stop myself from cringing "just so happens to own a green jeep. I don't even want to bring up the fact that three separate witnesses saw him outside of arcade pulling away from the scene of the crime."

"But you just brought it up." Lars states dumbly. I can't help but laugh just a little.

"What?"

"You said you didn't want to bring it up then you immediately brought it-"

"Are you kidding me right now! First you hit my-"

I interject yet again "Hey! Peridot!"

"Yes?" The sternness in her voice makes me want to giggle. Usually I don't have the time nor energy to deal with self righteous pricks like her. Sure, committing a hit and run on someone's bike is a dick move, but so is following them to work to verbally assault them on a random tuesday afternoon. I have zero doubt in my mind that Lars did it, but the real question lies in how doubtful she is.

"Can I ask who these witnesses are?"

"What?" She loses her composition for less than a moment before saying "I don't think that matters."

I try to be the best actress I can be. My role is that of the dramatic and underqualified secret spy. They might be zealous and stupid, but the audience loves them and they always get their happy ending and that's what I intend to do. I decide in the moment that I want to make her as uncomfortable as possible without her shifting her anger on to me. I run my fingers through my hair and lean on the counter beside her. "Surely you understand that those facts could be extremely helpful in this circumstance."

"Fine." She crosses her arms "Mr. Smiley, Mr. Frowny, and Onion."

"For starters, Onion doesn't speak. Mr. Smiley is red-green color blind, so a green jeep just might not be a green jeep. He's also a well known liar. Mr. Frowny on the other hand is an insane pessimistic and unreliable source. He'd agree with anything Smiley said anyway." Her shoulders slump and she lets out a childish groan "But before you restart this whole case, I'll save you some trouble. I ran over your bike. That's why Lars called me." Her eyes go wide and start to bug out of her head. Lars gives me a look too.

Her cheeks redden "That was how I get to school, you clod! You're going to have to pay for that!"

I stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I know. I'll pay." I smile lazily at her and put a hand on the side of her face "I'm so sorry for hitting it." She softens a bit after I confess, and that's when I realize that she's responding positively to my touch. I fully expected her to pull away like she did before, but here she is leaning into my hand. She smiles. If she thinks I'm going to get her a new bike then she's terribly mistaken. She coughs and asks for my number and I scribble some digits on the back of a napkin. With a quick wave she storms out of the store. I follow a few steps behind and stay at the window watching her leave. She walks off to the left and turns right at he corner.

"What the fuck was that?" Lars gives me a puzzled look then stage whispers from the other side of the store. "Do you like her?"

"Shit, I just met her."

"Well she likes you. She was full rage when I talked to her. She seemed almost human around you." I saunter over to a table and take a seat in the closest chair. I throw back my head and let out a groan as I realize how early it is. I worked the closing shift last night and didn't get home until almost 3am. "Why do girls always fall for you?"

"Because I'm the embodiment of sin and everyone is tempted by sin." I say flatly.

"Deep." he says with a joking grin. I put my sunglasses on to block out the sun that's streaming in from the windows and flip him off in the process. "If I picked up chicks that easily-"

"I didn't pick her up." I counter.

"I'm just saying." He shrugs.

"She's angry and socially deprived, she'd probably fall for anyone."

"Probably true, but she also has huge tits."

"You're gross." He laughs and makes a grabbing motion in the air pantomiming him grabbing someone's boobs. "It's too early for this."

"Yeah. I hate working mornings," his tone immediate drops, and he starts to half heartedly wipe the counter "You know didn't have to take the fall for the bike thing."

I shrug and sit down "You wanted her off your dick, so I handled it. Don't go all sentimental."

"Yeah, but Sadie's really trying to get me to take responsibility for my actions. I'll give you the money, so that when she calls-"

"She won't call."

He gives me a perplexed look "Why do you say that?"

"I gave her a fake number, duh." He cracks a smile which I reciprocate. "I want a donut. Glazed."

He pulls one out without thinking twice which is probably definitely stealing, but I don't really mind. "I'm thinking of dyeing my hair pink. Whatcha think?" He asks walking the donut over to me.

With just a quick glance at his reddish brown hair I shake my head. "I wouldn't." He shoves me lightly.

I take half the donut into my mouth in one bite and consider chucking the other half of my donut at Lars as he walks back towards the front counter, but that minor act of violence isn't worth the loss of my treat. As a finish my donut Lars finishes wiping down the counter and sits down across from me "I'm borrrrred. I miss Sadie." he moans pulling out his phone and checking the time. I shrug and almost say something before a man walks into the store. Lars quickly gets up to attend to the customer. He leaves his phone on the table and I glance at the picture of him and Sadie that decorates his home screen. Though I haven't given it much thought recently, I think of how nice it would be to actually be in a relationship with someone instead of just making out with people at parties or fingering random girls in bathrooms. I shrug it off, remembering that relationships are invasive and time consuming.

Two more people enter the store, then another, then another. It's probably the 8:30 donut rush that Lars had told me about in the past. I take that as my cue to leave and wave to Lars as I leave the store. I walk right towards my car in the parking lot, but suddenly get the urge to turn around and look left in the direction Peridot walked earlier. I flicker of curiosity passes my mind as I wonder where she went. I shrug it off and replace the thought with an image of the disaster I'll face when I get home. I sigh and walk back to my car.


	2. Another Strange Encounter

After scanning my surroundings I exhale deeply. Everything about this pool area is disgusting. The scent of chlorine triggers thoughts of red eyes and dry skin, the sounds of children screaming and splashing around make me feel like I'm in a cage with monkeys who have an affinity for cocaine, and to top off the shit sundae I forgot my sunscreen and will surely find myself in the burn victims unit in approximately 90 minutes.

I try to feel more at ease with my surroundings. Beach City's pool wasn't really the finest establishment. It was really only used as overflow when the beach got too crowded. I don't like the beach and I definitely didn't like the beach's shitty little sister, but frankly, I owed Amethyst the favor.

She had been begging me all summer to come to the pool with her because Pearl always came here, and Amethyst certainly had a "thing" for Pearl. She was convinced that her new purple bikini would win over Pearl's heart. I didn't agree. Sure, Amethyst's curves work in her advantage, but I don't really think Pearl was the type to fall for someone over as shallow as a cool string bikini, but what do I know about picking up chicks? Most of the girls in our grade find me as attractive as a 50-year-old woman trapped in a preteen's body, which is honestly fair.

I lay a towel over one of the last free lounge chairs and dug around in my bag looking for a book. I didn't realize I could get this bored this quickly. The issue of boredom didn't even compare to the complaints my pale skin was having against the sun. The indoor pool, which was in a building only a parking lot away, wasn't open right now due to some unfathomable reason. I know because I tugged at each door twice.

I breathe deeply and remind myself of the importance of friendship. I am here today because I owe it to Amethyst and I owe it to Amethyst because I forgot her birthday, which was last week. Besides, Amethyst has liked Pearl for a while, and as much as she has played it cool, I know that if this plan didn't go well Amethyst would be devastated, and honestly, it's pretty likely that this won't go well. Amethyst is considerably younger than Pearl as well. Pearl is in my grade while Amethyst is two grades below. Senior, sophomore pairings almost never work out. It took a lot of coaxing, and I still opted to wear jeans and a shirt instead of a revealing swimsuit, but I did agree to come. I think a large part of it has to due with the fact that I think I understand how Amythest feels.

Last week I met a girl at the big donut and though it seems rather strange, I instantly knew that I wanted to be with her. I don't think she's older than me or anything, but it's obvious that we live very different lives. She ran over my bike, which is a shitty thing to do, but in the moment I didn't care too much. I saw her and I instantly forgave her, and I almost never forgive people. I thought the girl liked me back until I realized that the number she gave me was a fake number. It was the number to an Italian restaurant a block away from the Big Donut, but after a little bit of snooping and asking around I discovered that she works at that restaurant. I would've gone to the restaurant by now if not for the fact that when I think of this girl I get filled with rage. That's probably the weirdest part. Every time I think of her I also think of my crushed bike and the fake number and her idiot friend, Lars, and I think of the stupid fucking smug smile she flashed me in the Big Donut. I think of all that and I want to cuff her in the face, but I simultaneously think of her curly hair and strong arms and just how hot that smile was and I want to slam her into a wall and make her beg for mercy. See the predicament? I've concluded that my attraction to her is purely physical and that it's not worth pursuing. There will plenty more hot girls who won't destroy my only method of transportation then refuse to pay me back.

I shift my focus on people watching instead. It takes all of my effort not to think of the blue-haired donut girl, but eventually my love for people watching takes over. It's probably weird how much I love to watch people, especially considering how much I hate talking to them. Talking just isn't really my thing, but watching people is always interesting. They balance so well in photos. Seeing all the different colors of people's hair and skin and eyes is almost magical. There are so many moments throughout the day that would be excellent photos that could forever capture the feeling of life. If I was a better photographer I'd capture these moments everyday. I'd have thousands of them saved onto my laptop, but as of now I only have six. If I was a better photographer I probably would've thought to bring my camera to the pool. It's not like I'm getting anywhere near the water, and the people here, however boisterous, smelly, and annoying, were very fun to look at.

The people splashing around and talking idly almost intimidated me, but I couldn't help but think it was beautiful. Everything about humanity seemed to be this way. Childbirth, sex, emotions, dancing, living, dying. All those things that make stories great. The things that keep life moving. Everyone at the pool seemed to exist in another world, but they weren't. They were in my world. This world. Our world. The same world where some girl in Russia is stretching before she debuts in her first professional ballet recital and a dad in Australia is having "The Talk" with his adopted son and some Indian girl is pinning the last part of her saree together before excitedly marrying a man she's met only once and some falsely convicted prisoner in Hong Kong is getting tortured. This was all happening right now, or maybe not _right_ now given the time zone differences, but they are all just insanely possible things that are going one while I'm sitting on a stupid pool bench in full clothing doing nothing.

A purple blur distracts me from the thoughts. Amethyst's obnoxious and recognizable laugh erupts from the corner of the pool as she splashes around. When we started our friendship I just assumed that she was more immature due to the fact that she was two years younger, but now I've realized that her immaturity is a part of her personality. Never in my life have I possessed the type of energy that Amethyst has. Not when I was 15 and not now. I roll my eyes then move my line of sight to Pearl who's staring intently at the scene from a chair on the other side of the pool. I can't read her expression from the distance, but everyone around Amethyst is smiling, so I assume Pearl is also enjoying the show. A crowd gathers around as Amethyst makes waves and does handstands underwater. At times I envy her charisma. Everyone loves Amethyst, and they cheer her on as she climb out of the pool and starts strutting around. "You guys ready for a something cool?!" Amethyst cries out to her fans. There's a general murmuring agreement accompanied by a few claps. Amethyst looks ecstatic and flashes Pearl a smile before trying to perform a dive that ended up being more of a belly flop. Everyone seemed thrilled regardless.

Everyone except for an angry Pearl who started storming off towards the lifeguard stand. If the goal was to please Pearl then Amethyst's success was comparable to that of the Apollo 13. She came nowhere near the goal, but at least her belly flop was cool.

"That girl has been causing a scene for the past twenty minutes! What happened to no horseplay? She really should be removed. I just don't understand how you could allow this behavior to happen!" I quickly lose focus on Pearl's rant and try to make eye contact with my friend. She looks and meets my eyes, but quickly looks away. In that short glance I saw tears and tears don't sit well with me.

I try to make a plan. I try to think of something I can do that will stop Amethyst from crying, distract the lifeguard, and make Peal less angry. I look at Pearl and look back at Amethyst thinking of how quickly things could go wrong and how even the best plans could turn to shit. What's the point of plans? Who needs a fucking plan? And in a moment of pure impulse I started running, sprinting into the water. Fuck.

"Look she's drowning!" First I feel incredibly stupid. and I would be mad at myself, but self pity took priority over anger in this particular moment. At least now I know I'm selfless. I always wondered whether or not I could die for someone; I just wish I knew that before I was y'know, dying. As I thrash around I briefly consider going still and naturally floating back up to the top, but before I can act upon this thought I feel something in the water reach out for me. In fear and anger I fight against this force. I fight until I think I'm about to lose my senses. I've never held my breath for this long. I inhale involuntarily, and the last thing I feel before blacking out is a burning sensation in my nose.

My eyes fly open and I start coughing violently. I am positioned on my side, but I quickly roll over and sit up. _I'm alive_. "Go back on your side!" The voice comes from the lifeguard who I assume just saved my life. As my vision focuses I feel a chill run through me. The lifeguard is the blue-haired girl from the Big Donut. "I just started my fucking shift and you have to try to drown yourself!" She looks pretty pissed. "On your side!" she repeats as she nudges me.

Her nudge brings me back into the moment. "Why?" I whine with zero desire to bring my body to the gross ground. The look she gives me is filled with contempt, but says nothing. "Where is everyone?"

"I shut down the pool, because you started to bleed in the pool," she points to a large scratch on my arm. I wish she didn't point to it because as soon as attention is brought to it, it starts to sting.

"Doesn't the chlorine counteract blood contamination in pools?"

"It does, but it doesn't counteract the grossed out public. Besides everyone started leaving when I started giving you CPR. It was freaky."

"YOU GAVE ME CPR?!" I begin to rub my mouth and think about how I disgusting I could've looked as she pushed down on my chest. I cringe at the thought.

"Uh, yeah. Now for the hundredth time, lay on your side!" She pushes me down forcibly and I welp. She grabs my arm and digs her fingers into it as she examines the cut. She crinkles her eyebrows and bites her lip. I briefly think about how her lips would've felt against mine if I were conscious, until I remember that CPR doesn't always require mouth to mouth. Would it be weird to ask her if that happened? I decide that it would be weird and that I'm entirely too confident for someone who nearly just drowned.

Her commanding voice pierces my thoughts. "You're on your side because it reduces your chances of choking on your own spit or vomit. Bring your knees to your chest." Instead of pointing out that my chances of choking are ridiculously low and that I'm not even coughing anymore, I decide to keep quiet and comply with her instructions. She sighs. "Why the fuck would your run into the deepest part of the fucking pool if you can't even swim?" Every other word she hisses out is stressed and her face is red. She's wrapping bandages around my arm though I'm starting to get more concerned about the bruises her fingers will leave as her grip only tightens.

"I thought you worked at the Italian restaurant."

"Stalker. I have two jobs."

"Why do you have two jobs?"

"This isn't the time for small talk. You're a real mess. You know that?" Her grip becomes unbearable like hot iron. I cry out and try to tug my arm away.

"You're practically assaulting me and I almost died!"

"But guess what," she sneers "you didn't die because I saved your fucking life," she motions for me to give her my arm. I don't respond.

"Do you always curse this much?" She looks absolutely furious and yanks my arm back.

"Trust me, the last thing I want to do is be here bandaging your flabby arm."

"Don't call my arm flabby!"

"Well it is. You should work out more," My jaw drops. Sure, playing Overwatch wasn't the best arm workout, but I'm definitely not weak. It was one thing for her to be attacking my arm, but for her to calling my arm flabby too was literally adding insult to injury.

"But I'm skinny!"

"So? You're not healthy. Maybe if you weren't so out of shape you could hold your breath for longer." She ignores my question "Also why can't you swim. You're literally the second person I've had to rescue in the three years I've worked here." she shakes her head "I almost called off. I was this close to not coming in today."

"Maybe it's good you're getting more hours in because you need to pay me back for my bike!" she finishes bandaging my arm and stands up.

"Fuck you and your bike." she turns quickly to repack the first aid kit.

I stumble quickly to my feet and feel slightly dizzy as I do so. "Why are you angry right now? This is literally your job! What's wrong with you!?" she walks to a table on the other side of the pool.

"Everything," she calls out. She grabs a medium size box and shakes out all of the contents onto one of the tables nearby. There's a phone, a t-shirt, sunscreen, a water bottle, a pair of sandals, a bouquet of flowers, and other smaller things that I can't see given the distance.

"I need to get out of here," she persists as she quickly packs all her things into a small backpack.

"What are you doing?" I slowly walk over to help her pack and see what else is on the table.

"I closed the pool for the day. I'm leaving." The anger has left her voice and she seems more mild and cool now. She resembles the personality I saw when we met in the Big Donut, but now she's less playful and more over it.

"Can you do that?" She shrugs.

I reach her at the table, and I'm disappointed to find that the smaller objects were just several coins and a pair of earrings. I interest myself with the bouquet of flowers. "You have a hot date to get to?"

"No. Give those to me."

I stretch my hand out behind me "What's her name?"

"Why do you think I'm gay?" My face drops, and I start to go red. She was definitely flirting with me in the Big Donut. She had to be gay, but what if she wasn't.

"Give me my flowers."

Still thinking about her previous question, I almost hand the flowers over without thinking, but I stop myself. "Why should I? You ran over my bike!"

"I just saved your life." She pushes me once more and I fall flat on my back. Before I can speak she's on top of me, straddling me and prying the flowers from my hands. After ripping the flowers away she stays on top of me, purposely putting all her weight on my stomach. She checks her flowers methodically to make sure they aren't crushed or broken.

In this odd moment I take in the aesthetic. I can't really tell if I'm dreaming or not. Why is she so comfortable with touching me. I can hardly shake hands with a stranger, but here I am getting straddled by this near stranger and I'm doing nothing to stop it. I don't even know her name. An admittedly gorgeous girl in a with dark blue curly hair is sorting through her purple flowers. I scan her facial features which are all fairly mild. The one thing on her face that I wouldn't consider to be mild is the color of her eyes. Her blue eyes aren't bright and they're not jarring. They look like a storm. Mostly dark gray but technically bluish. They're fierce and unexpected and not very welcoming. When I first saw her at the Big Donut I hadn't noticed their color, just their ferocity. Now as the sun shone from in front of her, the only thing I can focus on is the way her eyes seem to be gradually getting lighter in the sun. As her eyes lighten, her expression relaxes too. It's a brief moment of perfection. This would be a beautiful photograph. It's weird how I can find such peace in a moment like this.

I try to take a deep breath, and realize that I'm still staring. My eyes inadvertently drop down from her face to her thighs, and I quickly come to terms with the fact that she's wet and wearing a one piece bathing suit. Her uncovered tan thighs are spread and straddling my stomach. This is the closest I've physically been to another person in a long time. I feel a blush spread across my cheeks and a try to squirm away. She doesn't notice, and if she does then she doesn't respond. She's definitely gay, or she's just being a bitch and teasing me because she knows I'm gay, or maybe she's just a physical person?

After what feels like an eternity, she gets up and packs the rest of her things. I sigh with relief as she goes into the bathrooms and emerges quickly, sporting a black dress. She grabs a set of keys and wordlessly gestures towards the gate. I read the message loud and clear and walk out before she does. I watch as she locks the gate to the pool. She doesn't even look my way before walking off to the parking lot. Bye aggressive lifeguard girl. Thanks for saving my life.

"What were yew finking?" Amethyst asked with a mouthful of burrito. As soon as I left the pool I called my friend to find out why she ditched me. I didn't press it too hard because I assume she left to mourn the loss of Pearl. She picked me up in her brother's car which is illegal due to her age and unwise due to her brother's aggressive nature, but in the moment I kept my mouth closed. She drove us to her favorite Mexican restaurant to catch up.

"I wasn't thinking anything, or maybe I was?

Amethyst ponders my words "You're really stupid. You know that?"

"I know. Trust me. The lifeguard was pissed."

"Well no shit, but she should really get over it considering they make like $13 an hour and most of the time they just sit there."

"Really? Thirteen?" That isn't too surprising considering the training it takes, but that's almost double what I make working at the car wash with Greg.

"Yeah! I know because Jasper tried to work there. Thirteen whole dollars, so I wouldn't feel too bad." Jasper was her older brother who's gotten fired from half the stores in beach city.

"Speaking of feelings, how are you?"

She shrugs nonchalantly "So much for impressing Pearl."

"You surely made an impression." I say with a dry laugh.

Amethyst turns " She's never gonna talk to me again."

I frown. "It's her loss, you're a real gem."

After dinner Amethyst wants to go to the park and smoke. She offers to bring me but I know she wants to be alone. I do however wish I would've let her take me home, because the walk was a lot further than I anticipated. I miss my bike. My arms may be flabby and my core strength might be equivalent to that of a toddler, but my legs were in decent shape from all the pedaling around town. I manage about three miles before deciding to sit down on a bench near a stop sign.

For about twenty minutes I sit and watch cars pass by. I realize that only approximately 70% of Beach City's populants stop at this particular stop sign. At minute number twenty three I see a stray cat across the small road. She's small, probably young, she has white fur that's slightly matted and gray. I stand, but just before I can cross the street to scoop up the kitty, a blue Toyota Corolla comes tearing around the corner. It's an old one. Probably from '97. To my surprise the car comes to a screeching halt at the stop sign, and I get the chance to peer briefly into the window and look at this reckless driver. It's lifeguard girl. I'm not surprised. This reckless display would match up with someone who would run over my bike and leave. Her hair is pulled back into a stubby little ponytail and there's dirt on her arms. She doesn't notice me. I wonder why I've been bumping into her so much all of a sudden. Just as she pulls off I notice tears spilling down her cheeks. I hate when people cry.

A strange feeling starts bubbling in the pit of my stomach. I turn my head to see where she turned from and frown after reading the sign "Beach City Cemetery". I curse myself silently. I've been sitting here for nearly thirty minutes. I can recall every car that's past, I even remember the license plates to a few of them, but in the entirety of that half hour, I never noticed that I was sitting just yards away from a cemetery. Something tells me to turn that corner and go into the cemetery, and I immediately shut down that idea with the understanding that feelings like those are reserved for the stupid people in horror movies that are drawn to their deaths. I turn to continue my walk home and only make it five steps before giving into my previous feeling and running back towards the cemetery.

I've never been here. Only one person in my family has died, but it wasn't here in Beach City. It was my Grandma, and we weren't that close anyways.

I run up to the cemetery and immediately see a bouquet of purple flowers under the a tombstone reading "Luis Lazuli". I feel like I've seen too much. I feel horrible. I feel closer to lifeguard chick in the worst way possible. I don't even know her name yet, but I already feel like I know something about her that she wouldn't want me to know. I sigh and leave the graveyard with my mind swirling. Every time I've seen her she's been so different than the last time. I wonder who she really is, and I wonder where I'll bump into her next.


	3. Swimming & Staring

"Oh Lapis, this is going to be awesome!" Steven says splashing the water around with a look of determination on his face "You're going to be the best teacher ever! With your training I could be the next Michael Phelps!"

I chuckle gently "We can start when the other two students arrive," Steven was the reason I started giving swim lessons. I used to be just a lifeguard at the pool, but to my surprise there was a large number of kids in Beach City who couldn't swim. I would've never agreed to doing this kind of work considering I'm not really a huge fan of kids, but for the most part they've been tolerable, and even enjoyable at times. Now I'm glad that I took up this responsibility because I'm thinking of quitting my other job, and instead of find another shitty job around town I can just give more lessons here. The kids' swimming skills are cringeworthy and half the conversations I have with them are annoying, but I can't blame them for that. I just have to be thankful that they listen to me, they don't drown, and that their parents pay well.

"Onion's already here; he's just hiding in the back. He's kinda quiet," Steven notes.

"I'll go get Onion," I hop out of the water to retrieve him from his hiding spot near the locker room. Out of my three students, Onion was the most afraid of the water. I call him over with a trace of authority and sternness that's probably too much for a child but nowhere near the voice I use when I'm commanding the swim team. "C'mon Onion. Get out here." He responds by suddenly popping out from behind a locker and sticking his tongue out. "Well fuck you too then," I say under my breath. Exhibit A as to why I can't (or maybe just shouldn't) deal with kids.

I try make my way back to Steven whose eagerness is beginning to stress me out, but get waved down by his babysitter, Pearl. "Lapis, how long do these things usually last?"

"Hour and half." The amount of time Pearl spends at the pool concerns me. I've asked in the past why she comes here and she always gives the same excuses of trying to tan or simply babysitting Steven, but the way she stares at me while I get out of the pool would indicate otherwise.

"Are you usually busy after?" I expected this question, but I still don't know how to respond. If I lie I could save us both from the next question that was about to come, but I try to only lie out of necessity.

"Um, I'm usually free," I say with as much disinterest as I can muster. Unfortunately she doesn't let my tone deter her.

"Great! We should do something! I heard there's a great…" I tune out at this point. Pearl was pretty okay, but she was melodramatic and uptight. Besides everyone in town knows that her real interest lies in Beach High's principal Dr. Rose. That's the only reason she watched Steven, because he's Dr. Rose's son. I didn't really want to come second to a forty year old woman.

I turn to look at clock on the wall "We should probably get started."

"Oh of course! I respect your professionalism!" she blushes slightly.

"Mhm," I stand.

"Oh! And Lapis?"

"Mm?"

"It was really brave of you to save Peridot's life yesterday. She's always doing wild things like that. It must've been so-"

"Uh, yeah. I still need to start this lesson." I didn't mean to sound rude, but Pearl would've gone on for ages if I didn't stop her there. As I walk away I feel her eyes focused on my ass, and one glance back at the blushing girl confirms my suspicion. I think bitterly about how many more advances I get when I'm wearing a swimsuit, but then again I probably shouldn't flatter myself because most of my time spent in public is in a swimsuit.

It's 12:04 and we're supposed to start at noon sharp. I decide that the last student, Pumpkin, can catch up when she arrives "Ok Steven and Onion let's-"

"Ms. Lapis! I'm sorry we're late." A little girl with curly blonde pigtails comes running up to me. She's wearing a bright orange one piece with neon green floaties around her arms. I begin to smile at how adorable she looks "My sister had to bring me today." My smile immediately disappears.

"Your sister? " I look up and and strolling through the doors of the indoor pool is none other than my favorite drown victim. I suddenly realize why she looked so familiar in the Big Donut. The sisters share the same hazel eyes and pointed nose. Their looks are intensely similar, however Pumpkin has a slightly rounder head shape and thinner lips. The biggest difference in my opinion was the resting expressions on their faces. Peridot's looked bold and calculating, while her sister's expression was bright and carefree. Pumpkin saw life as her friend. Peridot saw life as a challenge.

Peridot flashes me a weak smile indicating that she knows her presence is less than desired. I don't smile back. "Ok, Pumpkin, let's take off these floaties, you won't need them today. Onion! Steven! Let's go!" As the kids get into the water I sneak another look at Peridot. She's wearing a t-shirt with ripped skinny jeans. Her hair is down today, and I like it. It's voluminous and slightly curled. She looks almost like Marilyn Monroe if Marilyn was 100 pounds, had a zit on her forehead, and wore graphic tees and zero makeup. I form a mental image of her appearance and play it over in my head before I run the risk of staring.

The lesson itself is mundane. I try to fall into my standard autopilot mode as I taught the three how to float on their backs (a task that can be completed by a toddler), but something keeps me painfully grounded into the moment. Pearl is very engaged in what's happening. She claps whenever someone manages to float independently for any amount of time over three seconds. I try to enjoy her presence and feel her support, but every time she speaks I want to sink to the bottom of the pool. One thing that Pearl is doing well is making Peridot's presence more tolerable. Peridot keeps sneaking glances of me over the top of the book that she's pretending to read. I think it should be noted that I'm not doing anything particularly interesting. Usually when people stare at me it's for one of three reasons. They're staring at my hair, they're staring because I'm accomplishing some sort of athletic aquatic feat, or they're staring because they want to fuck me. Pearl is staring at me due to all of the above, but Peridot isn't looking at me for any of those reasons. She's staring at me intently, the way one would watch a thriller movie, but my life isn't some thriller, and her staring is making me feel like something bad is about to happen.

I try to focus more on teaching my students. It's already hard enough to keep my mind on helping them float but it's especially difficult to teach when two thirds of my students are acting as if the water is poisoned. Steven mastered the concept pretty quickly and started to help the petrified Pumpkin as I dealt with Onion. "Just bring your legs up. C'mon Onion!" Onion refused to even attempt being horizontal in the water and I found it nearly impossible to explain a concept that I found to be second nature. "Onion? I'm going to try to pick you up, ok?" I reached out for him and he thrashed violently, scratching my arm in the process. I wince at the unexpected amount of pain I felt before looking down at my arm and groaning. I hop out of the pool as blood starts escaping the scratch. Eyeing the clock I see that there's only fifteen minutes left in practice. "Freestyle for the rest of our time!" I call out. Pumpkin and Steven cheer as Onion stares at me coldly. What a creep.

I walk to the lifeguard chair and grab some bandages from the first aid kit attached to the side of it. I hold the roll of bandages in my mouth as I ponder whether or not my arm really needs them or not. I rinse it in a nearby sink until it stops bleeding. As soon as I cut off the water, Pearl speeds to my side. "Oh let me, Lapis! I'm actually very good at these things, let's head to the bathroom to wash it off a bit better. Oh goodness. What are that kid's nails made out of? Razor blades?" I let her lead me to the bathroom and fuss over me the way I imagine an overprotective mom would. The more she cleaned and wrapped my somewhat bleeding arm the more I thought that the whole process was unnecessary. When we exit, my forearm is well bandaged and Pearl is going on about everything she learned through some medical internship. "I want to be an emergency physician, and…" I feel bad, but it's so hard to listen to what this girl has to say. "...Lapis," Shit.

"Um, sorry what'd you say?"

She blushed "I was just saying that you're a really good swimmer. It's admirable."

It takes all my energy to not roll my eyes. Yes. I am a good swimmer. I was swim captain since my sophomore year in a city where 95% of the population can swim well due to the fact that we live next to the fucking beach. I'm a _stupendous_ swimmer, but no, I am not admirable.

I didn't start to swim because it was my passion or because I was too eager to explore the properties of water. I didn't have those cutesy childhood fantasies of being a mermaid. Swimming is simply a part of who I am. It's something natural and impossible to change, much like a birthmark. Swimming to me was habitual, and as far as habits go, swimming isn't a bad one, but much like a drug, there was a clandestinely dark and addictive side to my habit. I used to swim until I ached. I used to do enough crunches for my abs to burn constantly and do push ups until my arms were numb. The water which used to be my only friend quickly turned into my worst enemy. Every pool seemed to reflect my insecurities, and I was at constant war with the water. I sweat, I stretched, I cried. I pushed my legs to do splits, my back to do backbends, and my lungs to hold my breath for nearly five minutes. I told myself "one more set, one more lap, one more dive". Not because I gave a shit about winning our competitions, but because it hurt and it distracted me from everything else. They say water is life, but take it from me, water is death. I've returned to a point in my life where I can say that I am at peace with the pool. The water supports me and benefits me. I float on its surface instead of crash beneath it's waves, but it took too long to get here. My current swimming ability is a result of years and years of unhealthy living, overexertion, and pain. It's not admirable, it's disgusting.

I feel myself freezing up at the thought of this. I don't know what evoked these thoughts. They haven't popped up in months. I tell myself to calm down and stop being so melodramatic. Pearl doesn't know about any of this. She's just giving me a compliment. My face is hot, but through grit teeth I manage to thank her. "Oh Lapis you're blushing." She takes my hand into hers. I try my hardest not to flinch. "Do you still want to go out for lunch? I just have to drop Steven off then-" Pearl brushes her other hand against my cheek before brushing some of the wet curls out of my face. I break and jerk away.

"I have somewhere to be. Sorry." I don't have somewhere to be, but I felt the necessity to lie in this circumstance.

"Oh? Maybe later then?" I think about Pearl. I try not to be bias, but something about her makes me physically angry and I couldn't place what it was. Her naturally strawberry blonde hair is cute, and I like the fact that she's taller than me. I've only been with one girl who was taller. I'm about 5'8'', so I'm no giant. Pearl, I'm guessing is about 5'11''. She's pretty enough too, but it's the kind of beauty that's demanding attention. Her makeup is minimal and precise and very very perfect, her skin is shocking pale considering she lives in city that's bathed in sun, and she always dresses either like she's on her way to ballet practice or like she's going out to a job interview. I look into her eyes briefly, they're a nice shade of blue, way lighter than mine. I decide that I don't dislike Pearl. She's a smart, determined, and going places. She looks like someone who could make it into an Ivy League school and go far in life. I respect her at the very least.

"Maybe later, yeah."

She smiles widely. "Ok. Well um, bye then." She turns on her heel "Steven! Let's go." I sigh with relief before I sense someone walking up to me from behind.

I sigh "You'll get your money if that's why you're here. I'm sorry about your fucking bike."

"And the bruises," she says without missing a beat.

"What bruises?" Peridot lifts her arm to reveal a mural of purple bruises surrounding a bandaged cut. I knew I was being rough yesterday, but I didn't think it'd be that bad. I rattle off some dumb apology which doesn't and shouldn't excuse my actions. I really didn't mean to hurt her.

"Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, you saved my life after all." she says with a smile.

I give her a blank look. "That's literally my job."

She continues to smile, not really knowing what to say. We stare at each other before she says "I saw on the poster outside that you offer 5pm classes."

"No one comes to those." I cross my arms. If it were anyone else, I probably would've cut the conversation off by now, but after getting over the initial aggravation that came with her presence I started to realize that this girl wasn't as horrible to be around as I thought she'd be. The way she struggles through this conversation is humoring me.

"I want to come."

I snort "You're a bit too old for my classes."

"And?"

"You could harm someone who is younger than you." I say dumbly. I oscillate between wanting to hurt this girl and wanting to protect her with my life.

"You just said that no one else comes!" I bite my lip and think for a second. I do need more people to take the class.

"Tomorrow at six. Come then."

"The poster says five-"

"If you want a lesson come at six." she smiles widely.

"Thanks Lapis." Before I say anything else she strolls away with Pumpkin in tow. What did I sign myself up for?


	4. Lesson 1

The weather is pretty nice outside. It's warm, but not scalding like it is during the day. I don't know how long this lesson will last and after sunset it will start to get cool, so I threw a flannel over my outfit. I get to the pool at 6:03, but Lapis still isn't here. She didn't specify whether it was the outdoor pool or the indoor one. The kids usually practice inside, so I assume the same goes for me, but I'm hesitant to go inside because another lifeguard is in there on the phone. I slowly approach the door to the indoor pool before I see a blue Toyota Corolla whip around the corner and into a parking spot. I check my reflection quickly on my phone. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and looked down at my outfit. I look nice, but I dreaded having to change into a bathing suit.

I sit down and watch as she pops her trunk and pulls out a drawstring bag and a duffel bag. She's wearing a gray beanie, ripped jean booty shorts and a loose light gray tank top that reveals most of her tan back. My leg starts to shake. Every time I see her, she's prettier than before.

She opens the gate and I grab a bag from her hand to help her out. "You ready for this?" I ask eagerly.

"Uh, yeah." She doesn't even look at me.

"Are you excited?"

"I don't really want to be here." I frown briefly before I start laughing.

I pretend that she's just telling a joke. "You're funny Lapis."

"Mhm?" She turns and starts digging through her duffel bag. I cringe at myself as soon as she turns. Why do I talk so much. It most social situations I can hardly choke a word out, but i can't seem to shut up when I'm around her. She pulls out little rings and some sort of flotation device. She throws them into the pool and faces me again."Do you have a bathing suit?" She asks with mild concern.

"Damn right I do!" I shoot her some finger guns and she looks incredibly miserable to be around me right now.

"Go change." She points to a bathroom. She pulls the tank top over her head to reveal a navy blue bikini with gold accents. Blue has to be her favorite color. She sloppily folds the shirt and stuffs it in the drawstring bag before shimmying off her shorts and snatching the beanie off her head. Her outfit choice is really revealing a lot of her "goods" and I can't tell if it was a purposeful decision because she wanted to show off to me or if she was dressing this way solely because there weren't any kids around. The first seems ridiculous, because why would someone like her dress to impress someone like me, but she did know that no one else would be here, so I can't completely rule it out. Both other times that I've seen her in a bathing suit, she'd been in a lifeguard uniform, a red or black one piece. I hate to sound like the hormonal teen that I am, but now I understand why they make the lifeguards wear one pieces. Her flat stomach and abs are distracting. "Are you going to go change or are you gonna keep staring?" I go red and rush to the bathroom to avoid saying something embarrassing.

I sigh and slip into my emerald green tankini which is considerably more conservative than the outfit Lapis sports. I look at myself when I exit the stall. Hair is already coming out of my ponytail, and I look like a child in this tankini. I don't look bad, but I definitely don't look sexy. It's been ages since I've tried to flirt with another human being. I was severely out of touch, and Lapis just radiated with coolness. I try not to get too intimidated. Not to sound like a horrible human being, but I do have an advantage. Lapis broke my bike and left bruises down my arm, and she feels bad about at least one of those things. She's less inclined to be mean if she feels guilty. She'll probably be more inclined to say yes if I ask her out on a date too.

I tell myself not to get too eager. She has to like me before she even thinks about being with me, and there are two problems with that. First, I'm generally not very likable. Second, she doesn't seem to like many people. I'm probably crazy for infatuating myself with a girl that's so unattainable, but what can I say? I'm always up for a challenge.

I leave the bathroom and see Lapis floating on her back in the middle of the pool. She's looking up at the sky and wearing giant Nicole Richie sunglasses. I walk over to the staircase and slowly start to step in. I'm very focused until her voice breaks the silence "No. Stretch first."

"Stretch?"

She moves into a vertical position and takes off the glasses. I wonder if her feet can touch the bottom of the pool. She begins to list off some standard stretches. "Touch your toes. Butterfly. Spread your legs. Reach for each foot. Twenty second lunges on both sides: make them deep and meaningful. Twenty jumping jacks. Twenty crunches. Twenty push ups." I give her a look wonder if she just listed suggestions or instructions. She revises her list with a trace of disappointment that I choose to ignore "Ten jumping jacks. Ten crunches. Ten push ups. Everything else stays."

"Can I do nineteen jumping jacks and one push up?"

"I- sure." she grumbles.

"Cool." I start trying to touch my toes, and Lapis returns to her floating position. Just as I reach my toes, her voice chastises me to straighten my legs. Next I try to do a butterfly and I don't think I'm doing that bad. My knees are nowhere near the ground, but I still consider myself to be pretty average.

Lapis starts to swim over to, so I assume I'm doing something wrong. I groan as she lifts herself onto the edge of the pool. She stalks over and sits in front of me on the warm concrete ground. She looks me in the eye "Breathe." She places her hands on my knees and pushes them down. I yelp slightly and close my eyes to ease the slight discomfort and to truly feel every one of her fingers on my skin. "This hurts?" I shake my head no. She pushes them down further, and though it is extremely uncomfortable, it doesn't necessarily hurt. "Hold for thirty seconds. Just breathe in and out." My breaths are shallow, but I try to make them deeper as I distract myself from the growing discomfort. She's being surprisingly gentle. She speaks softly and touches my skin tenderly. This confirms my theory that she's like a cat. Generally sadistic and grumpy, but occasionally playful or even sweet. I wonder if Lapis is a cat person. She could meet Picante, our orange tabby.

I certainly feel like the time has exceeded thirty seconds, but before I can say anything, Lapis starts talking. "In swim practice they made the lightest girl on the team stand on our knees for butterfly."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

She just shrugs. "Probably." She gives me legs another firm push down and I release a dull groan. Now this hurts. "Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Look; now you're all done. Shake it out and carry on." She smiles, and I grimace. This girl is trying to kill me.

By the time I finally get in the pool I'm pretty miserable and my body is sore. "Can you swim back forth across the pool?" Lapis asks.

"Um, no." She has to be crazy. "Why would I be here if I could do that?"

"Fine." She swims over to me. "Put your hands on my shoulders and make your body horizontal." I put my hands on her shoulders and try to leave as much space between us as possible, so that I'm not tempted to do anything impulsive and crazy. Of course this isn't working too well considering how short my arms are. I let my feet come off the pool floor as I put more weight on Lapis' shoulders. I already feel like I'm about to drown and I can't tell if it's because water is touching my face or because Lapis' presence is suffocating. Being this close to her is driving me crazy in the best (or maybe worst) way, but being in this chlorine filled water that nearly killed me last week is really impeding on my joy.

She leads me towards deeper end until her shoulders are almost level with the water. "Now try to kick." I'm hesitant at first but I start lifting my legs and slashing them back into the water. "Kick!" she repeats. I kick harder and harder, but my body sways and I can't keep a consistent speed. "Stop. Keep your legs a bit straighter. They're making ninety degree angles with the water right now." I can't shake the feeling that my little sister has probably don't this same activity with _her_ hands on Lapis' shoulders. The worst part is that she probably did it better too. I keep kicking. "Stop. Peridot-"

"I don't want to do this anymore." I feel my face turning red. How could I do this to myself? Why did I think this would be a good idea?

"What?" she says incredulously, but I'm sure about my decision to quit this. I feel so out of place here. Lapis hates me, the water hates me, and I'm starting to hate me too.

"I'll never be a swimmer!"

I start thrashing around and trying to escape, but Lapis grabs me. "Stop! Do you want to drown again?"

"You'll save me if I do!" She doesn't say anything in response, but I can imagine her expression.

"Wet things are gross to me! I hate when it rains because all the trash and litter gets wet, and the bus floor gets extra dirty, and everything leaks and smells weird. Oh don't get me started with those pools. They're so unsafe and disgusting and they smell like chlorine. It's just such an unnatural and uncomfortable scent. Ponds are even grosser than pools. Lakes are just big ponds. Oceans are too salty. Beaches are sandy and disgusting. I can't imagine how someone could enjoy that," I stop thrashing, and she stares at me blankly. I realize that I'm on the verge of tears. I hate crying too, but I don't mention that. I'm definitely a person who cries from anger, frustration, and happiness. Not sadness as much, but she doesn't know that. I feel so weak. I continue on with my rant, so I can say something to defend myself, and distract myself from my tears. There's no way I'm leaving here without saying my whole piece. "My parents tried to put me in lessons when I was younger like Pumpkin, but I wouldn't have it. I threw fits until they pulled me out of those lessons." I pause. She still just stares at me. "You know how people hate the word moist? Well it feels just as horrible as it sounds! Everything here is just _moist_. Everything in the pool area is gross." I'm suddenly aware of her hands which are resting on my body and holding me up. "Let me go!" Lapis has an eyebrow raised. She's listening to every word I say and I can't tell how that makes me feel.

"Get out, towel up."

"What?" I'm quiet for moment. Fuck. I really just ruined another thing with my inability to keep my big mouth shut. My mouth drops a little as I search for the right thing to say, but there's nothing. I feel as if I could just sink to the bottom of the pool. Lapis swims away to the edge of the pool, and leaves me splashing and trying my hardest to reach the edge as well. I don't trust my ability to jump, or even roll, onto the edge, so I struggle and make my way to the stairs. By the time I get out the pool she's already finished toweling off her body. She chucks me my towel, and I still feel like death.

As she packs up her stuff I start to think of what makes her any different from the dozens of other girls who've rejected me. It's not like I knew her well enough to be upset by this loss, but something about the twinkle in her eyes or the way she walked or something else equally as cliche, told me that she was special and that letting her walk away would be a grave mistake.

As soon as she jumps over the gate which could've been easily opened, she turns around and raises an eyebrow. "Aren't you coming?" It's the first time I've seen her genuinely smile. It's not smug or lazy. She genuinely looks excited. She has really pretty and straight teeth, and I wonder if she had braces like me. She has a shit eating grin like she's got everything figured out which is probably good because I'm incredibly confused. Usually I'm frustrated when I'm confused, but surprisingly I am able to put an immense amount of trust in this blue-eyed stranger.

She leads me to the blue car I saw her driving last week; now that I'm closer, I get to give it a better visual scan. It's a beautiful car, old, but nice. She's taken good care of it too, there's not a scratch on it. My thoughts are cut off as Lapis unlocks the car and tells me to get in. She pulls off and we start to drive.

Questions begin to flood my mind. Where are we going? Why is she doing this? Does she even have a legitimate license? As curious as I am, I'm also not concerned. Concerned people don't get into stranger's cars. I try to not overthink this situation and let myself reap the benefits of my spontaneity, but these are the exact kind of impulsive decisions that lead to my downfalls in life. Her huge glasses are back on her face and she cranks up the radio. We sit in silence listening to alternative and surprisingly optimistic music. Her face looks relaxed and she has this soft child-like expression on her face that seems rare. I look at the clock in her car and we've been driving only for eight minutes before she stops near the boardwalk.

She parallel parks sloppily between two large trucks and rushes out of the car. "C'mon hurry!" she starts jogging in the opposite direction of all the stores and restaurants and I wonder where she could be going until I realize that this is Beach City and people actually visit the beach. I sprint to catch up with her. Running through the thick sand is torture and I probably look ridiculous. It feels like an eternity before she settles upon a spot and spreads out her towel. I lay mine out beside hers. She's slightly out of breath and her face is flushed. It's a way cuter look than the coughing, wheezing mess that I am.

Once my wheezing turns into mild panting I turn to Lapis "Why are we here?"

She smiles back and rolls over onto her stomach. She looks up at the sky and I start to notice the setting sun. Another photographic moment. The orange light washes over the white sand and dull water. Lapis, still in her navy and gold bikini looks at peace. I wonder how often she comes here. A few seagulls mingle in my peripheral and shells litter the area where the waves lap against the Earth. I've never been a fan of the beach, but today the sandy backdrop is aesthetic and comforting.

I feel closer to Lapis who looks at the sky with such intensity. She looks like she was meant to be here, and not in the way that those other girls do with their fake tans and volleyballs. She relates to this area in a much deeper way than that. Everything around us was constantly moving and changing. The water was pulsing and splashing every second. The sky was infinite above us, and slowly fading into the night. The grasses blew in the whistling wind. In the far distance the bustle of the stores and amusement park could be heard, but other than those faint sounds, I felt completely disconnected from the rest of the world around us. I imagine Lapis coming here at sunrise or in the dead of night when the stars shine their brightest. How would her eyes look in that kind of lighting?

I look back at the girl next to me. She seems to always be changing too. One second she's at the bottom of the ocean drowning in something you can't even begin to understand, and the next second she's laying silently in the sand beside you, telling you more about her life than you could ever figure out through words alone.

Something about being here at this beach feels essential. It feels like hot french fries, or fresh laundry out the dryer, or beating the boss level in a video game. I can understand what the beach means to her, but I don't understand why she brought me here. As if reading my thoughts she turns back to me "It's not as gross as you thought, huh?" I blush and stammer hoping that I didn't offend her back at the pool. She gives a half smile and runs her finger through the sand.

"Why'd you bring me here?" I ask again.

"You were stressed, and this place always calms me down." I feel like there's more to be said, but she reaches into her bag and pulls out an envelope "This is for the bike by the way."

As soon as the envelope touches my hands, I realize something. If she really was the person who ran over my bike wouldn't there be at least a tiny scratch on the front or back of the car? Besides, all of my witnesses were very sure that a green Jeep hit my bike, and Lapis' car didn't match up. "You didn't run over my bike. You shouldn't have to pay."

Lapis doesn't seem particularly surprised that I found out "It's from Lars don't worry."

The mere mention of Lars makes me angry. I take the envelope and open it to find $25 "Do you not know how much a fucking bike costs?"

She laughs "I do, but apparently Lars doesn't." I grunt and stuff the envelope into my bag. It's getting late, but we just started talking, so I pull out my phone and text my mom to tell her that I'm hanging out with a "new friend".

I can't imagine what it would be like living here as a kid. I'd have field day everyday with all the things to do and all the parks. My mom would always chase me down and have to stop me from tearing up the board. I smile at the thought, but then I sigh and realize that my childhood would've been exactly the same. It would've still consisted of nights that turned into mornings behind a screen as I won games and beat levels. I decide to ask Lapis how she liked growing up here.

"I moved here in middle school."

"Really? Me too! Where'd you move from?"

"Del Marva. It's only an hour or two away but it feels like a world." She leans back and speaks with a dreamy tone.

"Oh, I'm from Georgia."

"Really?" She looks me up and down as if there would be some sort of physical identifier that I'm from the other side of the country "you don't have the accent."

"I'm from Atlanta, not Adairsville." I joke with slight offense as I think of the nasty southern accents some of my cousins had.

"What's Adairsville?"

"Exactly."

We continue this banter for hours as we learn more about each other. I can say that I know a fair amount about Lapis now. I know her favorite music (Alanis Morissette songs and 90's rap) and her favorite food (Lobster bisque) and her favorite color (blue, duh) and I knew other random facts about her like how she likes to draw, or how the number 28 "speaks to her", or how she's afraid of mice. I don't know how much that really is when you think about how vast a human story is, but it's more information than I know about most people outside of my family, so I'll take it, but there is one question that has been dancing at the back of my mind. Who is Luis? I don't feel like we're close enough for me to ask that yet. So I settle for asking "Your last name is Lazuli?"

"Yeah." Now I've narrowed down that her and Luis were related.

"Peridot?" I look over at her intently. I'm excited that she's initiating a conversation.

She doesn't say anything, but she looks confused "Yeah?" I prompt. The sky is nearly black at this point with the exception of the glittering stars that freckle the horizon. She grabs my hand and we intertwine fingers. It doesn't feel necessarily romantic, but it feels very safe. Her long fingers match her lithe figure. She nuzzles her head into my shoulder and neck.

"Come to the water with me." I hesitate but nod and stand. She grabs my hand again and takes me to the water. She runs straight into the waves. I stop at the shore and let the waves nip at my toes. I look out across the dark waves at her thin figure dancing in the moonlight.

I have another moment where I realize how intricate humanity is. I am standing here on the dark shore of Beach City staring at a beautiful girl, and I would've never imagined that this could happen to me. For the first time in ages I feel like I'm participating. My interaction with her isn't just a one sided rant to share information, we're really connecting. She looks over to me with a smile lighting her face and beckons towards me. With more confidence than I've ever had stepping into an ocean, I move out to join her.


	5. Lime Green Room

Author's Note: Hey! Thank you for reading this far. This is my first Fanfic, and the first short story I've ever written. I typically write play scenes, so this is very new to me. Please leave a review if you have anything to say. Feedback whether it's positive or negative is very motivational.

* * *

I ruffle Peridot's hair to make sure she's awake. It's strange how comfortable I am with this girl leaning on me. I very rarely every feel comfort at all, but this girl was like a breath of fresh air. She was surprisingly easy to joke with, and I've determined that I'm not going to stop myself from enjoying my time with her. I ruffle her hair again. It's still a little damp from swimming earlier. For someone who supposedly hates water she seemed to enjoy herself out in the waves.

Peridot doesn't move. She's knocked out. I reach around her and grab her phone. Her wallpaper is a strange picture of a dinosaur wearing a monocle and top hat. I smile. I look at the time to see that it's nearly 1am and she has three missed calls from her mom. Shit. I shake Peridot a little harder until she stirs and shove her phone into her hand. She blinks and rubs her eyes.

"Oh! let me call her back." She dials a number quickly and I hear her mother yell over the phone. Peridot stays calm and apologizes briefly and placates her mom. She turns to me "Hey Lapis can you take me home?" I nod "Yeah she's taking me home, mom."A worried expression flashes across her face momentarily before she looks over at me "Hey Lapis, you wanna spend the night?" I pause.

"I-"

"You don't have to if you don't want to," she says, her cheeks turning the faintest bit pink.

It's not like I'd be any happier at home, and as a frequent swimmer I always keep spare clothes and toiletries in my trunk. "Sure I will." Peridot looks surprised but relays the information to her seemingly chill mother before ending the call.

"Where d'you live?" I mutter as I fold up the towels.

"Oh, I live on the other side of boardwalk. Pass the school and drive for like a mile and a half. It's the yellow house with the red pots outside." I only process about half of those instructions, but I'm positive we'll find our way. We take turns rinsing off in the nearby fountains before we go back to my car.

When we get in the car I stall for a moment and fix my hair before starting the car. My eye twitches and I shudder. I don't smoke but I used to; as a rule I don't smoke _and_ drink. It's one or the other. If I do both then I feel like a mess, but I haven't done either in a couple of weeks. Probably because I haven't had a reason to. I quit my other job, I've been hanging out with friends, and my mom hasn't been home in nearly a month. I feel great. I turn the key and swiftly check my mirrors. I've always been a good driver, mainly because I drive without insurance. I put my hand on the gear and before I can shift it, I feel a hand on top of mine. "Lapis you're shaking."

I almost forgot that I wasn't alone. I look over at Peridot and ponder the possibilities. She likes me. A lot. I can tell by the relaxed smile that's pushing through her lips. I don't quite know how I feel. I like girls who are a challenge. Let's be fair. I do like Peridot, but she's not going to be a challenge. I look at her and feel entranced and right now I know that I have a choice. I don't want anything to jeopardize my current state of happiness, and my relationships with girls tend to get complicated, but something is calling me to her. I don't know exactly how to proceed. I am however, already taking her home, so I feel like fucking her tonight would just be the natural progression of things at this point. I flash her a smile "I didn't realize I was shaking." I take my other hand off the wheel and brush her hair behind her ear and place a small peck on her cheek.

When we get to her house I'm happy to see that everyone's asleep. I should've figured as much given the time, but I was still a little paranoid. I hate meeting people's parents. I hate it more than going to the dentist or getting the flu, and I didn't imagine that meeting Peridot's parents was going to be an exception. Of course I've met them before because of Pumpkin's lessons, but I've never really had to talk to them for too long, and it was always a very brief interaction before or after swim practice. I never paid too much attention to them. At one point, near Pumpkin's enrollment, I decided that I hated them because they both have names that start with P (Patrick and Pauline), and they decided give their daughters names that start with P (Pumpkin and Peridot). Not to mention their last name also started with a P (Peters). From merely observing this fact on paper I was disgusted, but now being in the household of this overly-coordinated family I felt deeply unsettled.

Peridot flipped a switch. "Are you hungry?"

I shake my head even though the thought of food right now is even better than the thought of sex. She grabs some doritos for herself and turns the light back off. That glimpse with the light was all I needed to become transfixed with their house. The furniture was all of good quality, which made me nervous. The furniture in my house was a step below Ikea furniture, so scratching or staining it wasn't a big concern. Here it seemed like a single juice spill would cause a natural disaster. Everything was just so pristine. There were family portraits on each wall, and every room had a very distinct color scheme. Every room looked like it came straight from an Haverty's catalog and all the decorations seemed to be from the same Pinterest board. I could see all the family memories that could be formed within these walls. I pictured every member of this nuclear family falling into an unspoken role as they ducked around each other to set the table or cook a meal. After a moment of thought I couldn't tell if these were legitimate judgements or just a projection of my own fantasies.

"Bathroom?" Peridot points down the hall and I make my way in.

I splash some water on my face and look at my reflection in the mirror. I do a quick mental assessment of my appearance. I quickly take out the second set of piercings on my lobe and stuff them into my pocket, so I'm left with one small diamond (or cubic zirconia to be more accurate) stud in each ear. I comb my hair out with my fingers to be safe and push my short tresses behind my ears. A prickling feeling tells me that I shouldn't be here, but I try to persuade myself into believing it will be okay. I exit the bathroom and see Peridot sitting on the stairs. She wordlessly leads me to the bedroom.

Her room is considerably different from the rest of the house. The walls are lime and the furniture is brown, but the bedding is black. It's messy but it doesn't bother me. There are stacks and stacks and stacks of video games. A bucket of controllers is in the corner. I cringe slightly especially when I see the math and science awards that decorate the walls. There are also some posters for some pretty decent bands and some other bands I don't know. I decide that I like Peridot even more now. Now that we're on her turf she seems significantly more relaxed, and there's something sexy about it. She slides into a chair at her desk and pounds the keyboard. She types so quickly. I watch her fingers move and become entranced. "I'm kind of a gamer," she notes.

I snort. "I can tell." She smiles briefly and starts some program on her computer. She turns back to me as it loads and shoves like three doritos into her mouth. When we were on the beach together I felt very close to her. She was someone I could relate to, but now I as I entered her world I feel so out of place. I like the feeling of being on edge. The extent of my videogame knowledge is playing Mario Kart on the wii with my dad. I feel almost overwhelmed. I'm simultaneously attracted and confused by her. I suddenly don't know why I'm even here. Does she even want to have sex with me? Or is she just trying to get to know me.

Something about her at the beach and at the pool drew me in. She was so honest and real, and I didn't have to overthink things, but now I'm overthinking. I felt comfortable in her presence in away that I haven't felt with anyone in a really long time, but now I started building up my guard as I realized all the things that could go wrong. She went back to typing on her computer. "Peridot?" She stops when I say her name. I don't really know what to say. I'm sitting on the foot of her bed only like three feet away.

She swivels back around. "Yeah?" I move down to the floor and get closer to her. I sit next to her chair and bury my head in her lap. She runs her fingers through my hair and I relax. Her leg shakes slightly. "What's happening?" I move my hand onto her upper thigh and move my head so I can look into her eyes. I blink twice. "Who are you?"

"You ask a lot of questions." I say seductively.

"Because I'm realizing that there's a stranger in my room!"

"You want to know more about me?" I blurt in mild surprise even though I knew this was a possibility.

She blushes "Why do you think you're here?" I stay silent and feel myself start to blush as well. "Whatever." She swivels back towards her computer and I fall off her lap. I messed up.

I stand behind her chair "Peridot, I'm-"

"You know, I don't do this. I don't make friends like this. I don't live some romantic life where things just happen and I definitely don't sleep around."

"Well I sleep around a lot." I reply almost instinctually.

"Great."

"I mean not a lot, a lot."

"Lapis, I'm a virgin. I haven't slept with anyone."

"Oh." I don't really know what to say. "I'm sorry." She rolls her eyes.

"I should've known better." She turns back to her game.

"Can you quit with the fucking game."

"That's problem number two." She says with her eyes locked onto the screen. "I don't need someone coming in between me and my videogames." I can only guess what problem number one was. "My videogames are fun, helpful, and something that I'm actually good at. What if I told you to just stop swimming?" She's very defensive about the games.

"Your family doesn't like the games?"

"No they don't," she says emotionlessly.

"What...game do play?" she huffs.

"I'm mainly a PC gamer, but I'm not too shabby on Xbox. I've stopped playing all the MMO's, RPG's, and First person shooter's or any shooting games really. I still do combat games. Based on the rules I've set for myself, I can still play sports games, puzzle games, simulation games, and certain adventure games, but I hate sports, puzzles aren't as fun, simulations games are either a hit or miss, and adventure games are usually too nostalgic."

I pick up a disc nearby. "So this-"

"That's off limits." she says sternly without looking back. Though I only understood half of what she said I can realize that her relationship with videogames is something I can relate to.

"Why are you limiting yourself if you like them?"

"It's not healthy. Don't be an idiot." I snicker. "Also last summer I stole my dad's wallet to get new games." I raise my eyebrows at the unexpected revelation. "Don't judge. That's just why I'm quitting."

"Scale of 1-10 how mad was he?"

"Uh 6."

"Really? It should at least be a 9!"

"My mom was at a 10, but my dad has very low expectations of me, so it wasn't a surprise to him actually." Peridot swivels around to continue her story. I think it's a good sign that she's looking at me again. "He looked kind of disgusted. My mom was just ranting about my actions and consequences and he looked at me then looked at my mom and said 'don't punish her, Pauline. It's just who she is.' so I didn't really get in trouble, but it was the worst pardon ever."

"You're not close with your parents?" I say with surprise.

"I'm really close with my mom. My dad less so, just cuz he's always at work, and I'm pretty sure Pumpkin's his favorite anyway. She's less of a 'troublemaker'."

I smile a little, but I don't know why. Peridot continues to tell me about her parents, and usually I hate when people talk about their families, but right now I don't. I appreciate how much she talks. She keeps things moving. I think of my own tendency to get stuck on things and be obsessive. I glance over at the stack of videogames and think that maybe she's equally as obsessive.

"You're the troublemaker in the family?" I say with a bemused smile.

"Mhm.I'm lazy, gay, and antisocial. I play too many videogames and smoke too much weed."

"Well you don't smell like weed."

"Because I'm stopping that too!" I laugh and she laughs too.

"We're really different." I say with a genuine smile on my face. "I love sports. I hate math and 're just...different."

"We don't have to be. It's all a matter of perspective." I agree. "Question."

"Shoot."

"Would you really have sex with me?"

"Um. Yeah." I say, mildly taken aback.

"I- uh. How many people have you-"

I feel my face turn red "Peridot." she grumbles off an apology and starts to blush as well. I look away and notice a smaller stack of movies next to the stack of games. They're mostly sci-fi, go figure, but on the top of the stack I see Season 1 Camp Pining Hearts on DVD. "You watch Camp Pining Hearts?"

"Shut up. I'm embarrassed enough. I don't need you judging me for my shitty taste in TV." She gets up and moves it off the top of the stack as if that erases the fact that I just noticed it. I get up too and take the disk from her hand. I look at the DVD player and try to open it. I want to watch it. I fiddle with the buttons. "Lapis. Do you know what time it is?"

I shrug. "I'm not tired." She takes the disk back out of my hand and puts it into the DVD player herself since I was struggling. I smile and she playfully pushes my head to the side. It's past 3am, and this is definitely not how I expected this night to go, but it's so much better than what I had in mind. We sit in her bed, barely touching, but smiling like idiots. Regardless of how confused I felt earlier, now I feel like I'm doing something right. I feel drastically more secure in this room and in this girl.


	6. Burgers & Babes

90% of the money I spend is on food, especially since I don't buy games anymore. I spend so much money on food because I'm always going out with Amethyst. I never really want to, but she's always trying to force me out of the house. She always swears that she's found some great place to eat at, but it's usually just another shitty restaurant with more shitty bar food. I can't wait to get a car. I work with Greg at the car wash. I fix and wash cars for hours on end, but I don't have one to call my own. My parents probably would've helped me get one, but they don't see the value since I rarely go anywhere outside of what they consider walking distance and I usually go straight home after school, so I can just take the school bus. I love cars regardless. Sometimes I want to get a motorcycle instead. I could get my motorcycle license tomorrow and I know a couple of people who'd sell me their old bikes for a good price, but a car has better long term investment and I don't really have the swagger to pull of a motorcycle. Right now I just really miss my bike. Walking down the streets of Beach City has done great things for my calves but horrible things for my skin and my sanity. I swear if I see another used condom just lying around I'm going to kill every guy in town.

When I finally get to the burger joint, Amethyst's is already seated with a large plate of loaded fries sitting in front of her. There are two drinks on the tables. I can see from the distance that one's a purple fanta and the other is either a sprite or water. I hate sprite, but Amethyst doesn't know that. I've always prefered mello yello or the northern equivalent, Mountain Dew. I'm already halfway towards the table when she notices me and starts waving frantically. I slide into the booth opposite of her and pick a couple of fries off of the plate. "What up, P-dot?" She's wearing an exceedingly low-cut shirt that her brown boobs are practically falling out of. I wish I had that kind of confidence, but honestly even if I was that confident I'd probably still keep my chest covered in baggy shirts for comfort's sake.

I shrug "Nothing really. I hate the sun and I miss my bike and I barely wanted to come here today."

"Sounds rough," she says sarcastically.

I nod. "It sounds typical." Instantly a small waiter with a zit on his chin comes to our table and asks what we want to order. "S-sorry." I stammer. "I haven't looked at the-"

"We'll take two of the 'Busting Burgers' one without tomato." Amethyst purrs with her raspy voice. She's taken a habit of ordering for me when we go out to new places mainly because I die a little on the inside when I have to speak waiters and also because Amethyst knows a lot about food and typically knows what's best to order.

When the waiter leaves, Amethyst turns to me and starts to speak. "I've decided to give Pearl another shot. I don't think the pool thing was a fair situation." I don't say anything, because Amethyst already knows exactly how I feel about Pearl. I dislike her intensely. I respect her, but I hate her. I disliked her from the start of school. We've had far too many arguments in all of the science classes we've shared. I also hate the way that she's practically obsessed with Lapis. I know it's too soon to be jealous, but cool girls rarely stroll into my life and I'd be damned if I lost this girl to Pearl. Pearl is dangerous and skanky, but no one would believe it. That being said I don't think she's a good choice for my best friend. I also don't think Amethyst is really Pearl's type anyway, but these are the kind of things one needs to realize for his or herself. Nothing I tell Amethyst will change her mind. It's quite evident from how she's currently ranting about her "one true love" in the middle of this restaurant. "She's just so damn smart. I swear she's probably playing hard to get. The lifeguard thing was a total power move don't ya think?" I nod along. "I just want to run my hands up her thin, pale-"

Thankfully she's cut off when she sees someone walking towards or table with food. The chef comes out himself with two burgers. One is heaping with toppings and looks straight out of food magazine, the other one looks like something from McDonalds. I already know which one is mine. The chef sets the burgers down and slides my deformed burger over to me. He carefully places the other burger in front of Amethyst before lifting the top bun off and revealing a heart drawn on the patty with ketchup. He winks at her and asks if we need anything before retreating back to the kitchen. Amethyst beams "I told you this place was great!" I don't say anything but I take a bite out of my burger which at least tastes better than a typical burger. "Do you think he heard me talking about Pearl? Is the heart a sign that he thinks I should go for it?" I shake my head violently. I don't think that at all. "God is good! Who woulda thunk he'd be sending me affirmative signs!" she exclaims.

"You don't think it's just a sign that the chef is just trying to smash?" I say taking a look at the chef who's staring at us from the open kitchen. His eyes are trained directly on Amethyst's cleavage.

"Nope. I don't think that at all." I've always admired her ability to think whatever she wanted. "How's the girl you met a Big Donut? Did you ever buck up and actually talk to her?"

I cough a little with surprise. "Oh yeah, she's fine."

"All I get is a 'fine'? What happened? Did you ask her out? Usually you can't shut up about your little girlfriends."

"She's not my girlfriend! We've only been on one date." It wasn't even a date. I shouldn't have said that, but it's too late Amethyst's eyes are bugging out of her head.

"Where'd you go? What happened? When was this?"

"A week ago. She spent the night." Amethyst lets out a high pitched whistle and slams the table with a joy she can hardly contain. Several other people turn to look at us, but that's just life when you're hanging out with Amethyst. I choose not to tell her that Lapis and I have spent every night since then talking on the phone and texting back and forth about our lives.

"Who is this girl? What's her name?" A giant grin is spread across her face. She picks up her glass of fanta and takes a chug.

"It's Lapis." She spits the fanta all over the table.

Her face falls. "Lapis Lazuli?" I nod and before I can start to ask what the problem is, Amethyst starts explaining. "No offense, but I'm not a fan. She's kinda...intense."

I think of Lapis laying in my bed and doing her goofiest impression of Pierre from Camp Pining Hearts. I don't doubt that she can be intense, but I also don't doubt that there's an even gentler side to her. I was very intimidated by her at first, but now things have changed. I even like her intensity. "I don't think she's that intense. How do you know her?"

"She used to be friends with my brother." My eye twitches slightly.

"Jasper?"

"Nooo, my other twin brother!" I felt my lip quiver slightly and involuntarily. Jasper may be one of the worst people I know, and though it's not my place to judge, I'm curious as to why Lapis would want to be friends with someone like him. "I don't know. She just used to hang around a lot and she seemed a little troubled."

The chef comes back with two milkshakes on the house. He hands me my glass while trying to make eye contact with Amethyst. She seems oblivious and just keeps staring at me. The chef takes his time walking back to the kitchen. I slide the glass across the table "You want mine?"

"Of course I do! Why?"

"I just have somewhere to be." I leave. I don't look back to see the expression on Amethyst's face. I just follow my impulse to leave. I left a couple of bucks on the table for the burger I ate. I just have had enough of being out for today.

I walk silently down the streets. I don't really know where I'm going, but I just turn down the streets that seem to have less people on it. I would hate to bump into someone I knew, which is fairly probable given the size of our town. I turn corners and slowly stroll around just enjoying my time, but after about an hour I become completely lost. I walk around to see if I recognize any landmarks and I don't. The only things around me are a coffee shop called "Squirt" and a tool shop. I walk into the coffee shop. I want some water because I've been outside in this heat for far too long, and I want to sit down and check my phone to see where I am and how I can get home. "Oh my stars! Peridot? What are you doing here?" I turn and see a tall lithe figure dance over to me.

"Oh. Pearl. Heyyy." I quickly take in her apron and badge "You work here?"

"Sure do. It's a little out of the way, but it's worth it. The pay is better and we're hardly ever busy. What brought you all the way out here?" I don't know why she's talking to me. She hates me just as much as I hate her. I've known that since she tripped me in the hall last year.

"I was just walking around."

She snorts "You hardly seem like the type to walk anywhere." I ignore her and try to get the GPS on my phone to work. "I don't what you're trying to do, but there's hardly any service or signal over here for most people. You can use my phone if you need to though." I tighten my lips and nod and she hands over her phone "It's new, so try not to smudge the glass or anything." I wrinkle my nose. Pretentious bitch. As soon as I touch the phone a message pops onto the screen. The number isn't saved. "Let me see." Pearl takes the phone back for a second and looks at the screen for half a moment before looking away with a disgusted look on her face.

"What?" I don't why I asked. I really don't care.

"It was my partner for the summer spanish assignment. I swear sometimes I think he can't conjugate a verb." I say nothing. I'm pretty shit at all foreign languages. I took spanish I and spanish II my freshman year and it tanked my GPA. I've been trying ever since to bring it back up. I'm pretty sure Pearl is in spanish V or something ridiculous like that. "I don't even know why he's trying to take this class. He's horribly underqualified."

"Who is it?" I say with mild curiosity.

"Lars," she spits. Sounds about right. "He's only passing the classes because Lapis helps him cheat on everything." My interest peaks at the mention of Lapis.

"Lapis is good at spanish?" I ask, not remotely surprised.

"Lapis is _fluent_ in spanish. Her dad's from Mexico or something. She really shouldn't be allowed to take these classes. They're practically give me grades for her and she's helping people like Lars get undeserved grades." She hands her phone back over to me. "Not like I'm complaining. I love her company in class. I just can't stand the fact that I have to do all the work on this assignment because Lars only knows a maximum of ten words in spanish."

"Lapis' dad is from Mexico?" I ask out loud.

"Or something like that." Why didn't I know that, and why does Pearl know that. It totally makes sense now; it's not like I'm surprised. I just never really thought of it. I'm so oblivious sometimes. I have a sudden realization that I've never met Lapis' parents. I don't know anything about them or anything about anyone in her family. I guess that's how getting to know people works. You don't just know everything about them right away. Though I feel like I do know a considerable amount about her now and vice versa. I make a mental note to add family to our conversation tonight before I remember that she's going to be out for a swim meet tonight, so we probably won't talk. I also have to ask about Jasper. I'm going with my mom to work tomorrow too, so we might not be able to talk then either. I bounce my leg in thought. Swim lesson! We have another swim lesson on saturday, I almost forgot. I smile and look back down at Pearl's phone to see exactly where I am. I realize that my best bet is to probably walk a quarter mile down to the bus stop and just take the bus back home, so that's what I do. Before leaving I get a cup of water and I thank Pearl for her help regardless of how enjoyable she is. Today has been a long day though it feels like I've really done nothing.

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Author's Note: Hey guys! I know this chapter was a bit short, but the next one is much longer and heavier. I should have the next chapter posted soon. Thanks for reading. Have a great day :) - Jay


	7. Beachside Thoughts

Author's Note: This is the longest chapter I've written so far and I'm quite proud of it. We're going to learn more about Lapis. I want to give a shout out to BleachyPorcupine for leaving this story's first review. That meant a lot to me :) I will try to update _at least_ once a week (hopefully more), but I do have work, school assignments, and interesting friends lol. Thank you for reading. - Jay

* * *

My room is a lot neater than it could be. It's neater than those of my friends. There isn't any dust or dirty dishes. I do my laundry every other week and I wipe down all the surfaces frequently, but something about it feels undone. These four walls still scream CHAOS PRESENT. Maybe it's the all the lopsided posters and art on the walls, maybe it's the constant overbearing smell of incense, or maybe it's solely because this is where I spend half my time. The room seemed to sense my mood and my mood lately hasn't really been the most welcoming or comfortable. I lost a swim match yesterday. _I lost_. Which is normal I guess. People lose. Everyone loses sometimes, but I'm still a little pissed because of it. I could've practiced more. I've been shaving some time off of my late night swims so that I could spend more time talking to Peri. I think it's worth it, but I'm still just a little shook that I lost last night. Either way, it's fine. Losing is fine, and my room is fine, besides organized chaos has grown into my aesthetic.

To fill my time I move stuff around and create more space. I shake out my fuzzy rug and vacuum the dirt and crumbs that fall out of it. I even find the energy to Windex my mirror because it has accumulated smudges in the past week. I swipe across the reflective surface with a rag, mindlessly moving my hand in circular motions; I had to be a bit careful cleaning the top because this mirror is slightly cracked. I cracked it unintentionally. One day I punched a hole in the wall beside it and the mirror fell on to the ground. Now the mirror is placed a foot to the left so that it conceals the same hole. It reminds me to look past my mistakes and just look at myself now, as I am, and for the most part that's what I do now. Once the mirror isn't foggy and gross, I get a clear look at myself. I can't help but curse, because holy fuck I look like shit.

The bags under my eyes are deepening, making me look a lot older than seventeen, and it's definitely time to re-dye my hair. Right now it's curling away from my face. The curls are light and bouncy, I love them. I shake my hair out a bit, and inspect further. It's hard to keep up with my roots sometimes because my natural hair color might as well be black, but I insist on keeping my hair a rich blue. My family hates it and half the guys at school fetishize it, but at the end of the day it just makes me feel more like myself. I've always felt particularly lucky because regardless of all the chlorine and hair dye, my locks stay pretty strong and healthy. I think that's why I actually like dying it, because when everything else turns to shit I can always remember that at the very least I'm blessed with genetically strong hair, like my dad. He had nice hair that never grayed. I'm glad to have his genes because my mom has light brown hair that she always dyes blonde and it's always dry and gross because of the dye. My mom is white, and because of her I'm pretty fair in complexion in comparison to my dad and cousins. Sometimes it's hard to tell that I'm half Honduran, especially because I have blue-gray eyes like my mom. Other than that I look almost nothing like her. We would have the same body shape, the same B-cup breasts and slim hourglass figure, but my mom got breast implants and had some sort of injections shot into her ass and hips. I think that it only made her look worse, but she just loves herself and I don't really care how she looks.

I dig in the cabinet under my sink for some hair dye when I hear my phone buzz against the counter. It's probably Peridot. For the past few days she's been sending me these murder mystery riddles, and I've become such a slut for these puzzles that I'm now legitimately considering majoring in criminology and becoming a detective. I unlock my phone and feel my face drop slightly when I realize that it's just Lars. I almost put my phone back down without reading it, but I immediately feel a bit guilty. I love Lars. He sent a picture of his new schedule for school. As I loosely register the mundane order of his classes I'm reminded of the depressing fact that school starts again in less than a month. I decide not to linger too much on the thought of what's going to happen after my senior year. Instead I grab my keys and get ready for a nice drive up to Beach City High to pick up my schedule.

I can't say that I didn't miss this place. It's kinda funny how school becomes a distraction from home and home becomes a distraction from school, and both of them suck. I guess that isn't funny. It's actually depressing, but I am ready to be back, I'm ready for my senior year, and I'm ready to do more than lifeguard and fight with my mom. Picking up my schedule goes quickly but after that I sit in my car for about thirty minutes just thinking about all the things I've forgotten to do. The summer reading for history (some historical fiction about WWII), the packet for math, my portfolio for art, I don't even have a fucking binder yet. The only thing I have done is my spanish homework because it was easy. I did all of the pieces for my art portfolio too, except for one, so it shouldn't be hard to finish that piece and organize everything. I look at my schedule. I have Dr. Hillhoffer for history so I probably could get away with just skimming the reading and that just leaves Math. I thank God there wasn't anything assigned for science. I can probably get Peridot to help me with the math. She won't do it for me; she's made that very clear, but she'll help.

I look out my window and see a banged up green jeep parked a bit off in the distance. I briefly consider driving over there once I see Lars through the window until I see a head of blonde hair bobbing up and down over his crotch. I love Lars and I love Sadie. I think they're great together, but seriously _ew_. I move quickly deciding that I need to get out of here before I lose my breakfast. I start the car and sigh because I remember that I didn't even get around to dying my hair. I also haven't been grocery shopping in ages, and my car is low on gas. I decide to go back home and start there. I'll get gas on the way. Before driving off I create a little to do list for the day.

1) Dye hair

2) Buy school supplies

3) Go grocery shopping

4) Wash car

5) Come home, make food, read "The Nightingale"

I inadvertently glance back to Lars and Sadie and think about the last time I've had sex. So many people think I'm a slut, I suppose I am, but I'm always really safe about it. Strangely enough I haven't kissed anyone in a while either. It's been almost a year. The last person I kissed was a guy despite the fact I'm gay. We made out in his car. I was really really drunk and even then it still sucked. I woke up the next day in my own room and I never found out if we had sex that night because I never talked to him again. Since then I haven't really been eager to kiss anyone again, and I've been drinking a lot less. My mind wanders to Peridot. I wouldn't mind kissing her.

I drive down to the car wash. I like this place a lot more now that I know Peridot works here. Of course she isn't working today. She doesn't work fridays. Glancing at the clock in my car I see that it's close to 9pm and though the wash technically closes at 8pm, I've never really seen the place shut down before 10pm. Mainly because the owner lived in a van parked outside of the place, and was usually pretty happy to get a customer whenever. I step out the car "Hey Greg!"

"Oh Lapis hey!" The van man, Greg, is dressed up a bit more than usual. Which isn't saying much. He's wearing a loud button down covered his chest, replacing the typical stained wife beater he usually wears. "I haven't seen you in a while. How've you been?"

"I've been busy," I offer. "Any chance it's not too late to get her cleaned?" I gesture over to my blueish gray Toyota Corolla.

Greg checks his watch "Uhhh. Sorry. Not today, pal. My son, Steven, has a concert that he's doing out on the square and I'm already late!" He starts to steps into his van "Maybe you could stop back by tomorrow?" I have to stop myself from smiling, because Greg is one of the only people I know that would unironically use the word "pal".

"Yeah, ok. Thanks anyway."

"Bye Lapis," he says pulling off. "See ya' around!" I walk back over to my car. I got her sophomore year and I've been saving up to get her since I was 12-years-old. I always loved being in cars. They symbolize freedom and that was something that I couldn't live without. Whenever I need to get away I like to drive down to the beach and drink a beer. I usually take the long way and wind through the town before relaxing in the sand, hearing the waves crash, and staring up at the endless night sky. It was ironic because sometimes after a stressful swim meet I'd drive to the beach. I sigh and trace a little fish in the dirt that has collected on my rear window. I give the fish a smiley face before I wipe my finger off on my shorts and decide that tonight was going to be a beach night. I debate on whether or not I should stop at home to grab some booze to sip on, and ultimately decide that a beer and some food would do me some good. Maybe I'd even grab that Nightingale book to read on the beach too.

When I get home I pull out my key but see that the front door is already unlocked. I don't think much of it though. It means that my sister is probably home. She's a miniature version of our mom and we have different dads. She spends most of her time at her dad's house, but occasionally she'll swing by. I walk into the house and almost have a conniption when I see who was sitting on the couch.

"Lapis, baby! I was wondering when you'd get home," My mom takes a lazy drag of her cigarette and stretches across the couch and I feel my face go red with fury. As soon as I see her I want to grab her ugly blonde hair and slam the head into the coffee table. I recognize the harm in thinking such violent things and I try to keep calm and keep my tone mild when talking to her, knowing that an accusatory tone is something that would ultimately only hurt myself.

"Is Marina home?" I ask with as little emotion as I can manage.

"My little Aquamarine? I got her from her dad's house earlier this evening. She's upstairs getting dressed."

"Puta madre." I murmur.

"What was that?" she says aggressively. She sits up and her robe shifts revealing her fake cleavage.

"Nothing."

She gives me a pointed look. "I've told you not to use that fucking language in the house." She says it mildly. It's a warning. Most moms would probably be concerned about the fact that I was cursing in the house, but not my mom. She hates any language that she can't understand, and she was too lazy to ever try to understand spanish. "We're going out for a trip to the movies. I really should start getting dressed myself." She leans over and looks at herself in a reflective tray that adorns our coffee table. "You should come with us." she says with little to no sincerity.

I shake my head and try not to feel the physical pain of her casual proposition. She's been gone for ages and then she just pops home unexpectedly and asks me to go to the movies with her. I hope to never be as unreliable as her. "Where have you been?"

Her face darkens to show her annoyance with my question, but she quickly chuckles and brushes it off. "I keep busy."

"Too busy for-" She cuts me off by waving her hand in my direction. Part of me becomes angry at the fact that I was dismissed with a hand motion, but I'm too tired to continue anyway. She knows what I was going to say and I know how she'll responded. We've had this fight a million times and it never fixes anything. She leaves for "work", Marina went to her dad's house, and I stayed here, alone, until she decided to stop by. I used to think that she was tolerable, understandable, but that's before I got to know her. Now I know that she isn't mature enough to stick around for anyone, and she's too proud to do admit to it. I don't have a dad, and if it wasn't for her decisions then maybe I'd still have a mom, but the decisions were made and she is who she is. Regardless of the finality behind everything, I know that this was something I would never accept. She is someone who I'll never accept.

She starts to speak again, pulling me from my thoughts. "I see your hair is still-"

"Blue? Yeah." I storm over to the fridge.

"Messy," She corrects. I grab two Stella's before turning to head back towards the door. "You're heading out?" She asks as my hand touches the doorknob "Again? Why don't you stay home with your sister and I? It's very rare that we get to spend time all together."

"It's very rare that you're here." With that she stands up and stalks over to me. I don't know why I said anything. I'm happier when she's gone, but maybe if she was here more often she'd present a more tolerable part of herself. It doesn't matter though, we both know that it's not going to happen. Her visits have become more and more infrequent and progressively more catastrophic as well. It has been awhile since I've seen her this close up, and it isn't a pretty sight. The bags under her eyes had a purple tinge to them and her skin was far too worn and wrinkled for someone in their mid thirties. Of course no one else saw the wrinkles or the bags. She made up her face with enough creams and powders to ensure that no one saw ever saw the real her. The version of herself that cheated on her husband and abandoned her daughter.

She get really close and grabs my chin forcing me to make eye contact with her. "You're not mad at me," She coos in a dreamy voice "You're mad that you're stuck with me." I stand completely still as she grabs a beer from my hand. She stops to click the cap off in the kitchen and took a big gulp of the drink. "If you're gonna go out and drink choose some better beer." She starts to skip up the stairs "Don't come home too late!" She calls out. Mother of the year. I'm late for my beach trip, so I walked out and slammed the front door shut on my way.

The drive to the beach flew past in the blink of an eye. Before I know it I'm already sitting on the beach with the wind rippling through my newly dyed hair. I sip my beer slowly because I didn't go back to the fridge to grab a second one. I didn't grab the book either, but I have enough on my mind to not care. The waves seem to be talking to me. They're trying their best to calm me down but the thoughts inside my mind are inconsolable; the thoughts of death and loss and regret deeply contrast the peaceful rhythmic nature of the beach. It is so different today than it was last week when I was here with Peridot. I feel alone right now. Dangerously alone. The same water that I splashed in and used to build sandcastles could easily swallow me whole if I threw myself in. I wish she was here. Against my will she entered my life, but I can't help but admit that I'm glad she did.

She's been so much different from what I anticipated. She's become a real friend. Since we've gone to the beach last week we've been texting back and forth and learning the obscure details of each other's life. The small details that make a person, a person. She told me about her grandma who could knit anything, and told me about her other grandma who died from choking on a grape. Peridot hates grapes now because of it. She also showed me pictures of the ugly bob haircut she had back in elementary school. That was back when she lived in Georgia. She told me that Georgia was nice and they experienced every season. Summers were hot, winters were snowy, fall was windy, and spring was full of flowers. Peridot hates spring because of her allergies. I don't have allergies and think it's kind of sad how some people are just allergic to an entire season.

One night we even talked on the phone for hours rambling about everything under the sun. The sun. I think of her face and how the sunset bounced back from her eyes and how the orange light illuminated her pale skin that day at the beach. I wonder how she'd look now beneath the dim light of the stars. The night we shared didn't have as many stars. I like Peridot, and I am fully aware of the fact that I'm falling for the short, loud, kleptomaniac who nearly cursed out my friend at the Big Donut. I think back to how I thought she'd be high maintenance or someone I should just sleep with, but I was wrong. I sigh and look up at the night sky. The sun is long gone. It is night, and I am alone.

I think back to how I lost my temper at the pool with Peridot. Sure I didn't hit her or intentionally hurt her, but the bruises on her arm flash into my mind and make me feel queasy. There's a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I could never be a mom, wife, or maybe even a girlfriend. I've never really been in a relationship. Not a healthy one at least. I'm scared of them. I think of how my mom hurts majority of the people she interacts with and if there's any chance that I could become that kind of monster then I'd rather stay away completely. I think of all the girls I could've dated and how I got close to them only to realize that it's impossible to go any further. What if they fade away like my dad? What if I hurt them like my mom? Romance seemed to be the stuff of movies and stories, and my life doesn't have that kind of luxury. Who actually ever has a happy ending. I immediately counteract that depressing thought, knowing that my dad wouldn't want me to think so pessimistically, but pessimism aside, I have to seriously consider whether or not I could actually be a good girlfriend to Peridot. I like her and want to protect her, but what if I mess up again.

I run my fingers through my hair. I can't help but think of everything that had happened. I try to block it all out of my head, but every time mom came back home, so did the thoughts. My dad didn't deserve a mess like my mom, and he finally realized it when she cheated on him with Marina's father. I was only three at the time they got divorced, and my mom didn't even try for custody, so as I grew up I didn't really know her and frankly, I didn't really care. Everything was fine without her, but then my dad died when I was ten and that was the end of any normality.

I was a deeply fucked up pre-teen. I was violent and quiet. I was creepy and uncared for. I didn't know what to do with myself and I was too young for a loss that big. When I lost my dad I lost everything. My home, my school, my life. My dad was a hero, and he taught me everything from swimming to speaking spanish to cooking to general life skills, and though we weren't always the best off he gave me everything he could. I moved in with my mom the same year he died and she was a stranger to me. She lived an opposite life to my dad's completely. She hated nature, she was selfish, she saw the worst in everyone, including me. She had a new boyfriend every other month and she would leave for weeks sometimes months to spend time with them or escape the town. My dad always told me that you don't have to talk to communicate and I always thought he was talking about music or something, but my mom informed me that one was perfectly capable of communicating through glares, gestures, and pointed looks. Sometimes she would hold the sponge just a little too tightly while doing the dishes and I would know that she was about to hit me. My dad never hit me. He never had to or even wanted to. We talked about any problem. He trusted me. My mom did not trust me. She saw me as inherently evil and had zero desire in actually talking to me.

Of course she rarely hits me now and if she did then it wouldn't hurt. Also she's fucking gone like 99% of the time, so she doesn't really have the time. I don't mind the absence too much anymore. I'm old enough to provide some things for myself. She pays the house bills (most of the time) and I pay for my car insurance, gas, groceries, swim dues, and whatever else I need on a day to day basis. It's a pretty ok deal, but it's pretty shit in comparison to what I had before. Everyday I just want to go home after swim, but there is no home anymore, it died with my father. No I return to an empty house filled with bad memories. Things could've been different. My mom could've actually wanted me, but she didn't. She never really did. I see the way she looks at Marina; I can't remember a time in my life when she looked at me that way. She never hits her lil' Aquamarine either. Probably because there's no need to. Marina is just as bratty and bitchy as my mom. They look alike too. Whenever mom gets back from trips Marina is the first thing she looks for. She goes and picks Marina up from her very alive father's house and they spend the night out doing "girl stuff". After the "girl stuff" my mom goes out, gets drunk, and comes back home to me before leaving again the next day.

I try not to dwell on it. I look out at the water. Right now it was the only thing that made me feel safe. I feel my face and find that it's wet from tears. I cry harder as I remember the way things used to be with dad. He used to make up songs on the spot and sing them to me as he played the guitar. He'd spin me around and call me princesa. I'd pick him flowers and he'd put them in his shirt pocket. They were always these purple flowers that grew wildly near our apartment complex, the same ones I use now to decorate his grave. I feel so alone. I'm used to feeling that way at home, but here at the sea I usually feel like I'm a part of something. I pick up my phone and first look at the time; it's nearly 2am. I've been here for ages. Covering the screen are texts from my mom. I don't read the messages. Judging by the time and large quantity of texts I can assume that they're drunk texts which means she's probably home by now passed out on the couch. She used to stay out well past 3am, but I guess she's getting older. I stretch out and yawn. I tell myself that I need to go home and sleep in my bed. Sleeping on the beach has led to some creepy moments in my life.

When I get home the lights are all off in the living room, and there's no one on the couch. I guess my mom isn't home. I look around briefly before getting slammed into the wall. "Where the fuck have you been?" Looks like she was home after all, lurking in the dark like some serial killer. I squirm against her and use my hands to push her off me.

"What the fuck!?" I figure normal daughters don't have to worry about their drunk mothers latching on to them like some sort of sci-fi movie monster, but I did. It always surprised me how aggressive she got when she was drunk because I always thought it was a more masculine thing to get into drunken fights. I wanted her to be the cute little drunk girl who cried in corners or kissed your cheek and told you silly shit about how beautiful you are.

"Where have you been?" She repeats "I was locked out the house and I had to sneak in here like some fucking criminal." I nearly forgot that she lost her set of keys on her trip to Barbados.

I shrug it off. "Marina has a set of keys too! Where the fuck was she?"

"What do you care?" She says walking into the kitchen, flicking on the light, and taking a bite out of an apple as if she didn't just try to tackle me. Bottles decorate the counter. Hennessy, Tito's, Patron. She really shouldn't mix her liquors.

I shrug "I don't care." She chucks the apple at my head with the skill of pro league pitcher. I feel it bounce off my forehead and I grunt with pain. She's not a good mom, by any means, but to be fair I'm not really the best daughter either. I wouldn't go as far to say that I deserve this, but I don't respond to her messages or treat her with any profound amount of respect, and sometimes on bad days I think that maybe we're not all that different. She grabs another apple and takes a bite out of that before launching into a spiel about how she broke her heel while climbing through the window.

"Lapis, I'm fucking talking to you. See my lips moving? That means listen up."

"Then say something worth listening to!"

She gives me a look filled with warning. I can smell the tequila from across the room. "I am now asking you for the third where you've been for the past four hours," she says in a dangerously calm voice. I stay silent. "You gotta girlfriend or something. You're still into that lesbian shit."

"Why do you care?" I whine as I watch her do a crude scissoring motion with her fingers.

She slams her hand on the counter. "I am your mother!"

"Then act like it!" I snarl with more intensity than anticipated. She gives me a look. It's the kind of look that's trying to force me to apologize and save myself, but she doesn't deserve to know where I've been. There have been too many days that I've spent here stranded and alone for her to suddenly give a shit about my whereabouts. "I'm going to bed." I announce before starting up the stairs. I make it about six steps before she grabs my arm and yanks me back. My head makes contact the corner of the bottom step, and I feel a splitting pain in my forehead. There's probably a cut and definitely a bruise. I stand up rubbing my head only to get backhanded by my mom. Her face is red and she's yelling at such a high pitch that it's hard to interpret her words. I have a headache. I wish I could just pass out and escape this moment. My mom walks back into the kitchen and starts throwing stuff at me. Apples, empty cans, spatulas. "Get out!" she screams "Get out! Get out! Get out!" and I do. I grab a bottle of Tito's off the counter in addition to a ten dollar bill that's strewn beside it, and I walk right back out the door. This is fine. I know that she'll be gone by tomorrow, and until then I'll just hang out at the pool which has a clean shower and a locker full of my fresh clothes and toiletries. On the way to the pool I wonder if she'll remember tonight. If not, I'm sure I'll remember it enough for the both of us.


	8. First Kiss

"I'm going to be late!" I slam my hand on the unmoving bathroom door. With a towel wrapped around my body.

"Well, Peridot," My mom says walking by with a basket of clothes "I'm glad that you've decided to wake up at a reasonable hour today, but a part of having normal sleeping patterns and being awake during the day, is dealing with other humans who are also awake during the day." She puts the basket down and ruffles my hair. I flinch away from the touch; I'm too frustrated for human contact. She rolls her eyes and gives a dramatic sigh as if she's in a low budget TV show. "I'm making eggs for breakfast. Do you have a preference?"

I shake my head. "I don't have time for breakfast." I didn't even know that she made breakfast during the summer, mostly due to the fact that I've never been up at 8am without having to. Today I have to. Lapis insisted on a stupid early morning swim meet. I felt stroke symptoms when she suggested a 7am meet, saying that the swim team would meet around that time during the spring. I suggested noon, and she literally laughed in my face. We compromised on 9am. Right now it's about 8am. I look a mess and I have to leave at 8:30am if I even dream of walking to the pool and making it before 9am. I groan internally as I hear Pumpkin start singing another song in the shower. Why is she up this early? Where does she have to be? Why is she inconveniencing me? Why did I even agree to a 9am swim practice?! I still don't even really like the pool, but I'll get to see Lapis. She could've asked me to meet her in an alley at 4am and I probably would've done it. I would've complained about it mercilessly, but I would've done it.

When I get to the pool the gate is locked. I've texted Lapis three times in the past two hours trying to confirm our early morning lesson, and now I wish I would've waited for confirmation because she's definitely not here. She's the one who suggested a Tuesday morning, insisting that no one else would be here, and she was right because the pool is completely empty. Both the indoor and outdoor one. I look at my watch and see that it's 9:24. I'm embarrassed that I've waited this long for her. She was supposed to meet me at nine. I bounce my leg rapidly as I pace in front of the gate.

"Hey Peridot." I sputter and spin up around. I turn my head towards the direction of the voice and see Lapis Lazuli sauntering up to the pool fence from the parking lot that separates the indoor and outdoor pool. I feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"Where have you been?" She's still about ten feet away from me, but I think I can see her face drop from all the way over here. It's almost as if she is somehow hurt by my anger, but when you're twenty four minutes late, you don't really have the time to be offended. "You're almost a half hour late!" I yell out to her.

"Sorry," she grumbles walking up to me at a slower pace. The hurt that previously plastered her face is now replaced with a nonchalant expression.

I exhale sharply "Why are you late to the lesson that _you_ scheduled?"

She shrugs "Rough night." Is that all she has to say? I look at her face which has a protective mask covering whatever she's actually thinking and feeling, and I let out a long, hard sigh. From our past couple of weeks of interactions I've learned that it can be extremely difficult to get anything out of her when she has her guard up like this. I decide to calm down a bit, and scan her for any other visual cues on how she's feeling or where she's been. Her hair is wet and curly and she smells fresh of sandalwood, so I assume she recently got out the shower. I lose myself for just a moment in her hair before focusing in on a bruise in the corner of her forehead. Bruise? I feel my eyes go wide. I'm guessing that last night wasn't the typical rough night.

"Lapis, what happened?" I say as gently as I can. She doesn't respond, but her breath quickens significantly. I step in towards her, so that the distance is only about a foot. My instinct is to push her hair back to get a better view of the bruise. My hand makes it about halfway to her head before I realize what I'm doing. She probably doesn't want me to touch her right now, but she hasn't flinched away, so I continue with the movement and push some of the blue tresses up and out of her face. I'm pretty surprised that she let me touch her. I'm more surprise when she melts into my touch instantly. The guarded look drops from her face. "I would've covered it with makeup," she chokes out "but, I couldn't go home." A forlorn look plasters her face. "I almost didn't come today, but I didn't wanna bail on you," She bites her lip "I'm sorry."

I like to think that I've grown up. I've matured throughout the last few years of my life as I started working, taking care of myself, preparing for the future, and rectifying my bad habits. I understand that I can't save everyone. Actually, I can't save anyone except for myself. I thought of what Amethyst said, how she told me to be careful around Lapis. A part of being more productive is avoiding problems instead of running straight into them. I look into her eyes. They're red and wet, but she locks eyes with me. I'm taken aback by the vulnerability she's showing. I'm trying to be rational. My one major concern is the alcohol that I can smell on her breath from this short distance. If she had been drinking too heavily then I would be admittedly disappointed, so I start with with my first question. "Did you do this to yourself?" I ask. She shakes her head, and I feel a surge of relief that's quickly followed by anger at the thought of someone else doing this to her. "Who did this?"

"Mom." The look on her face when she says that is hard to read, but it somehow answers every question I had about her relationship with her mom. I love my mom. I adore her and always have. We are ultimately very different people, but I think she represents a natural form of pure goodness that I rarely see in people. We fight sometimes, but she loves me so fully and so deeply. My mom is a step away from perfection. She can cook anything, remove any stain, and host any party. Her hair is always nice and she's always polite to strangers. I used to be jealous of her and sad that I'd never be as pretty as her, but she sat me down when I was thirteen and told me that it was ok for me to be myself. That's what a mother should do. I train my eyes on the purpling bruise spread across the corner of Lapis' forehead. That's _not_ what a mother should do. I just think of all the ways her mom could've left that bruise and I ponder what she meant when she said that she couldn't go home. Then, I think of my father. He's not the best father. He's antisocial, close minded, and angry, but he'd never hurt me. He'd never let me fail, and he'd never fail me. I wonder if Lapis is closer with her father, but then a scary thought hits me. I think of the day I saw Lapis in the graveyard and I shift my gaze so that I'm making eye contact with Lapis once again.

I say nothing. Not yet. I try to take in everything that has happened and I quickly try to connect dots. If this moment were a photo, Lapis' face could be easily labeled as the countenance of a well trained actress right after she gave a dramatic oscar winning monologue. There are several layers of emotions. Mostly anger and pain, but beneath that was something softer that I couldn't quite place. I don't realize it as it happens but I've taken another step in and my other hand is on the other side of her head. She closes her eyes, puts her hands over mine, and lets out a breath that shakes her whole body. I take a deep breath in and exhale. I _have_ grown up and that's why I know that I need to be here for her. Life's too short to run away from things that scare you, and Lapis scares me but there's nothing else that feels this right. She's crying and she's beautiful and the thought of someone hurting her fills me with rage. I know she's not close with her mom, but this isn't ok. I don't know what to do, so I ask the question that's burning on my mind. "Lapis is your dad's name Luis?"

Her eyes flash open and she stammers for a moment "How'd you-" She almost pulls away before I start to placate her. I tell her about how I saw her her at the graveyard and I feel my cheeks go red. Lapis looks so overwhelmed. She's so close to me, I literally have her head in my hands, but she still seems to be a million miles away. "Lapis?" Hers eyes don't even flutter in response. Her face is unreadable. "I-I'm sorry, about what happened. It's fine that you were late. We can talk about if you want; we can…" I start to ramble. With everything running through my mind and with her being so unresponsive, I don't quite know what else to say right now. However, a feeling tells me that silence will only push her further into the part of her mind that's filled with whatever dangerous thoughts she's undoubtedly thinking. I keep repeating her name and telling her that things will be ok. At some point I don't even know what I'm saying. I just want her to know that she's not alone.

I let out a deep sigh. I'm doing nothing. I lower my head pondering my next step until I feel her arms drop then tightly wrap around my waist. She's pulling me closer to her body now, and I look up in surprise before feeling her lips crash into mine. My eyes close and I shiver as I ball my fists in her hair and stand on the balls of my feet. I feel like I'm flying, yet I feel attached to Lapis in both a figurative and literal sense. Lapis' tongue presses against my bottom lip, and I pull away suddenly, thinking of the alcohol I smelled on her breath previously. "Ar-Are you still drunk?" I ask in a horrified whisper.

She smiles slightly and breathlessly says "No." She brings her lips back to mine before I can question it further, and we continue the kiss with a newfound sense of urgency. Our bodies press together and I push my crotch into her upper thigh. Our tongues play a game of tag as our hands explore all the dips and curves of each other's bodies. I've wanted this since the moment we first met in the Big Donut, but I didn't think it'd be this great.

Part of me realizes how absurd it is to make out with another girl in broad daylight where anyone could just walk by, but surprisingly I don't care! The feeling of safety that I get from this girl's arms can protect me from any voyeur or homophobe. My attraction to her is almost dangerous, and I love every second of it.

"Peridot?" She gasps as we pull apart. I feel the smile radiating from her face and a proud feeling resonates with me as I realize that I'm the cause of her happiness. "Thank you." she says bringing her forehead down to touch mine.

A few moments pass in a silence that burns like an itch. I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Lapis, do you like icecream?"

"Who doesn't like icecream?"

"You wanna get some icecream?"

She gives a small smile "We're supposed to go swimming and be healthy." I groan. "But… if you don't wanna swim then I have a better way to burn calories."

"Do you?" I say with a wicked smile spreading across my face.

"Mhm," She mumbles before placing a warm kiss on my neck. I feel a shiver run down my spine. "Running is another great cardiovascular exercise that can help burn some calories."

"What?" I ask in a startled and confused voice.

She places a firm peck on my lips "If you don't want to swim, we can run." This is not what I had in mind. I push her playfully with a face full of disbelief. She starts to giggle furiously. "Maybe if we shape you up enough you can join the freshman swim team next year."

"Doubtful." I say knowing that I may never be able to swim.

"I'm offended! I'm a great teacher...sometimes."

"You lead. You don't guide."

"I guide. I just don't baby people. You need to be babied." I give her a look of mock offense. "You're just not motivated to learn," she says sticking out her tongue.

"It's hard to focus on swimming. You're kind of distracting." I don't reveal that I have zero interest in this shitty sport. She smiles seductively and strips off her flannel and shorts. My heart stops and my eyes widen with mild fear and concern before I remember that we're at the pool and she's wearing a bathing suit, so this is acceptable behavior.

She's wearing a yellow bathing suit today that's striking beautifully against against her royal blue hair. The top was strapless, and I scoffed knowing that my own breasts could never fit into a strapless top of any kind. I'm wearing my same tankini; it's the only bathing suit I own. Lapis smiles widely and tells me that she wants to swim. "You don't have to get in, but I'm gonna do a couple of laps." I can't fathom why someone would go into the pool for a short amount of time. It's so much effort to put on a bathing suit and shower before and after a swimming experience. That effort isn't worth swimming for anything less than two hours, but also how can you entertain yourself in a pool for two hours.

Just as Lapis starts to walk towards the pool her phone starts to buzz. Time freezes. I watch Lapis silently as she turns around and heads towards the chair with her clothes on it. She yanks her cell phone from the pocket of her shorts and stares at the screen and mutters something in spanish. I should've known that our happy moment wasn't going to last.

She looks up and sees me. "Fuck it. I'll take you home if you want." My heart drops, but I can understand if she wants to be alone. She sees my expressions and bites her lip "I'm sorry."

"Are you ok to drive?"

She looks offended " I told you I'm not drunk. I haven't had a single drink in hours!"

That's not what I meant. I think of her ripping around the corner and crying after she visited her dad's grave. "You shouldn't drive when you're emotional."

Her face tightens and shows. "I'm not emotional." The look in her eyes revealed nothing. She looks almost ok and that's what scares me the most. "I just want to go home," she whispers.

"Let me come with you." I say without thinking. She gives me strange look, but doesn't immediately reject the idea. Oddly enough this gives me the confidence to continue. " Let me go home with you, so you won't be lonely."

"I-" In that moment of hesitation I remember why this might be a problem.

"Is your mom still home?" I ask. I expect Lapis to get sad again but she maintains her straight face and shakes her head slowly saying no. "Ok. So I'm coming home with you." She soundlessly mouths the word ok and I shoot my mom a text.

The first thing I notice about Lapis' house is that there were no lights on anywhere. There isn't an ounce of light creeping from the crack of a door or from a dimmed kitchen light. There's only one window and it was covered by thick blinds, a screen, and a curtain. There's an odd feeling about the house; it feels the way the cemetery felt. Dark, scary, lonely. Much like the cemetery, Lapis walks through with practiced confidence. She takes my hand and leads me through the darkness of what I assume is a living room. When we reach the set of stairs I nearly trip, because Lapis releases my hand and bolts up at high speed taking two or three steps with every leap. My short legs pump trying not to get too far behind.

By the time I reach the top of the stairs she's pulling open her bedroom door. The hallway is filled with light that blinds me, but my eyes quickly readjust and realize how dim the light actually is. Besides the light, which is primarily provided by christmas lights and assorted lamps, the first thing I notice is the art. There are large painted murals and black and white pen drawings hung on every wall. I walk up to one, it's realistic but surrounded by zentangles. Most of them are collage style painting and drawings. "You made these?" I say with awe.

Lapis flops down onto her mattress which is on the ground with no bed frame. She already seems to be in a better mood. "What? You thought I was a one trick horse?" She looks content. The bruise looks even worse in this dim lighting, but it doesn't seem to be bothering her in any way.

"It's a one trick pony."

"What?"

"The expression," I explain "It's a one trick pony not a one trick horse."

"Ponies and horses are the same thing!"

"Not really," I counter. She looks very concerned about this, so much so that I can't help but laugh.

"Are you laughing at me?" She says raising her eyebrow.

"Of course." I meet her on the bed and smile "Draw something that reminds you of me."

"I don't draw pornographic material," she jokes. I blush furiously and throw a pillow at her. She erupts in giggles. "Actually that's lowkey a lie. I'd totally draw some tits if you asked nicely." She wiggles her eyebrows.

I've really started to enjoy this Lapis. The one who's carefree and giggly. The one who tells lame sex jokes and makes shitty impressions of celebrities sometimes. The Lapis that started to appear in our "swim lessons" when she wasn't too busy being angsty.

She gets on all fours and crawls across the mattress before planting a kiss on my lips. "Thanks for coming," she murmurs. She's always saying thank you and it makes me realize how ungrateful I must seem for only saying it when absolutely necessary. She kisses me again and I place my hands on the side of her head to kiss her deeply. I ball my fists in her hair and let out a soft moan as she bites into my bottom lip, but I suddenly get a strange feeling. I pull away. "Lapis? Is anyone home?"

"No. Just us."

"Where is everybody?"

"My mom doesn't really live here, she just stops by."

Before I fully comprehend her last statement I move on "Do you have any siblings?"

"Kinda. She's a half sibling. She lives with her dad." I note that _She_ wasn't given a name, so I decide that maybe it's best not to ask for one.

"So...You live here-"

"Alone." There's a tone of finality to it and she pulls away from me.

"I want to talk."

"About?" I give her a look. I don't really know what I want to talk about, but I feel oddly nervous. Before I can open my mouth she smiles and points to my shirt. "You like the Beatles?" I'm a little confused and I remember I'm wearing my Abbey Road t-shirt.

"Everyone likes the Beatles." I respond.

She smiles wider. "You know all four of them had gonorrhea?"

"They did not!" I exclaim not expecting that.

"Did too!" Something about her gonorrhea fun facts really made me feel alive. "So the Beatles, their last performance ever was in San Francisco. Have you ever been to San Francisco?" I shake my head no. "Well I have once. I went to a history museum there and learned that San Francisco used to be called Yerba Buena."

"What does that mean?"

"Good herb."

"Wow." I say pleased by this display of thoughtless translation.

"Don't 'wow' me, it was a two word translation."

I lean forward with interest in the topic. "Which do you prefer, Spanish or English?"

"Spanish."

I take a gamble. "¿Por qué?" I ask hesitantly hoping that I used the right words.

"Porque es más fonético." I stared at her blankly. I'm happy that my question earned a response, but I didn't think this through and now I have an answer I wasn't prepared for. She cracks a smile. "It's easier to sound and spell words."

"You should teach me how to speak spanish, it's probably more useful than learning how to swim."

"Creo que aprendizaje en inmersión es la mejor forma de acercarse a una idioma, si quieres aprender español no puedo hablar contigo en ingles, solamente español. Vas a ganar más vocabulario y un mejor comprensión de gramática y sintaxis."

"No, never mind. I don't want this." she starts to laugh, and she falls into my lap. I'm hyper aware of the physical contact but I'm not opposed to it. "I have to admit, everything I know about the Beatles is from a project I did freshman year on their societal impact. I only know like two of their songs." Her eyes go wide as she immediately gets up to connect her phone to a speaker in the corner of the room.

She gives me a look "It's called Golden Slumbers." She presses play before walking back over to the bed and puts her head back in my lap. I accept her contact once again. "Peridot?"

Mm?

"Thanks for being here." That's the second time she's said that, but I don't point that out. I smile and run my fingers through her hair.

"Of course." I close my eyes and take in the power of the song and the moment. I quickly determine that this is my favorite song and that Lapis is my favorite person. After the song ends I look down at Lapis who has nodded off in my lap. The warmth feels vaguely like having a dog in your lap, but I'm not much of a dog person. I wait a few minutes just to make sure she's out for the night. Other music has started playing, songs that are equally as powerful and beautiful as the first. I pry Lapis' head off my thigh and decide to do what any smart person would do and snoop around her room. First I walk over to her phone and the small speaker that it's plugged into. The song playing now is called "Mary Jane" it's by Alanis Morissette. Next to the speaker is a drawing or painting. Parts of it look drawn and the other parts look painted. It's a picture of a girl crawling backwards away from some sort of creature. The piece is mostly black and white with little splotches of rainbow colors. I decide that I really like this piece. There are many others like it decorating the wall. Each one with a small signature in the corner. Some have just her initials "LL" while others have her full name scribbled in a loopy signature that's almost show-offy. She's a really good artist.

Besides her art, pictures litter her walls as well. There are some of her and Lars, some of the swim team, and some of people I don't know. The pictures all cover the wall that's adorned with a full body mirror. Some pictures have dates and captions scribbled on them, mostly in spanglish. "Helado w/ Lars '12." "Lars' 14th Birthday." In these pictures the both Lars and Lapis look extremely awkward. Lars has a ridiculous amount of acne and Lapis' hair is frizzy and only blue on the ends. "Swim Team 2015" In this picture I see Jasper. His arm is wrapped tightly around Lapis. Lapis looks a lot more frail than she does now. She's not just thin, she's skeletal. Jasper looks as strong as ever. He looks like he's going to break her. I wrinkle my eyebrows in confusion. I don't remember Jasper ever being on the swim team, but that would explain why he and Lapis were ever close.

One caption that catches my attention is one written in a different handwriting. The lines are straighter and all the letters are capitalized. It's written in spanish and says "MIJA Y YO." The picture shows a little girl with tan skin and long black curly hair, she's laughing and holding a fishing rod that's almost as tall as her. There's an arm wrapped around her shoulder which is connected to a hispanic man with a wide smile. He looks young, almost too young, but the two look extremely alike. They both have the same expression spread across their faces. This picture makes me sad.

I embrace my inner sneaky creep and go through her drawers. I'm surprised to find everything neatly folded. Her room as a whole is much neater than mine.

Soon a louder, faster paced song distracts me from my thoughts. I turn and walk to the speaker and read that this song is called "Thong Song". I turn around and look at Lapis and I can easily see her listening to this shit on the way to a swim meet. The change in song is causing her to stir. She's a light sleeper, but she seems to fall asleep very easily. I'm the other way around. I used to have horrible insomnia, but when I sleep, nothing else exists.

"P-Peri?" She says is a soft sleepy voice that makes my heart melt. She smiles lazily at me. "Do you want pyjamas?" she asks as she puts her hair up in a short ponytail.

"Uh sure." Without warning she strips off her shirt and bathing suit top. Her breasts and brown nipples are on display; I quickly avert my eyes before realizing that she probably doesn't care if I look. I turn my head to get a better look but she's already changed into a large t-shirt and a pair of panties. She tosses me a big black t-shirt with faded writing on it. "Do you have any pants?" I ask incredulously.

"For sleeping?" I nod slowly.

"Ummm. Check the top drawer to you left." I pull out a pair of gray pants that says 'Beach City Swim' along the side. There is a 50/50 chance that these will fit. Lapis is considerably taller and has a much thinner waist, but the pants have an elastic stretchband. Rather than taking the chance, I just fold the pants back up and put them back in the drawer. Lapis has entered the bathroom connected to her room and started washing her face and brushing her teeth. She pops back out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth and another one in her hand. She hands it to me and winks.

Going through these simple night time tasks feels cute and couple-y. I don't think I've ever shared a bathroom with someone. When Lapis spent the night at my house we both passed out before doing these things and she woke up and showered before me. As I contemplate whether or not I should braid my hair Lapis leaves the bathroom and lays down in her bed. I follow her and lay next to her looking at her with an involuntary grin spreading across my face. "You're beautiful." She gives an innocent smile that makes her nose crinkle and I kiss her forehead.

She turns off the last lamp, the one on her nightstand. "Goodnight Peridot." The moon shines through the window and makes her eyes shine. She presses a kiss into my lips and she rolls over. I throw my arm around her and she presses her body against me.

"Hey Lapis?"

"Shh. I'm sleeping."

"You never have to be alone you know that?" She's quiet for a moment. I almost think she didn't hear me, but then I hear a soft voice break through the air.

"Thank you."

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Author's Note: That chapter was kind of everywhere, lol. All of the songs mentioned are very real and wildly different. You should listen to them if you're looking for some new jams.


	9. Kitchen Convo

Author's Note: Sorry for the late update, and sorry for any possible errors in grammar. This chapter gets a little smutty so heads up.

I wake up alone, but I haven't felt less lonely in years. There's a sense of activity, someone buzzing around downstairs, that fills me with nostalgia and bathes me in comfort. Though I'm ultimately contented, something about the feeling is unhinging. There is something wrong. Somewhere within the delusion of comfort lies the bittersweet reminder that this isn't my life and that this kind of feeling can only come from a lucid dream. I stand and feel slightly dizzy; I haven't been eating enough. I stagger to the door and realize that it's closed but not locked. I always lock the door even when I'm home alone. That's when I realize that the comfort isn't a delusion. Peridot is still here, and she always has the ability to calm me down and drown me in security. I want to rush down and see her but decide that it's probably a better idea to wash my face and brush my teeth first. I plan on thanking her for her stay, and doing it the right way.

I throw open the door and hear the sounds of sizzling and chopping intensify. I've never been much of a cook. I cook out of necessity, not because I enjoy it. I tend to stick to simple things. For breakfast I'll have fruit, cereal, or a hard boiled egg. Lunch is a toss up. Dinner consists of salad, soup, pasta, grilled cheese, or something equally as low maintenance. I want to bound down the stairs, towards the food and the beautiful girl, but I haven't had coffee yet so settle for a slow walk. Her back is turned to me as she chops an apple. I call out her name and she doesn't respond. I repeat myself then realize she has headphones in. She sways her hips in beat with the music that I can't hear. She's still in the clothes she wore from last night. Just a shirt and some panties. She looks adorable right now jamming along to her music and making breakfast. Her hair is messy and she has a cowlick, but even from just seeing her back I know that she looks happy. That's good to see because she hates mornings. I glance at the clock and see that the time is 11:38 am. I'm surprised I slept in this late.I'm usually a light sleeper too. How did she get downstairs? I smile at the thought as I run up to her and throw my arms around her.

"You shouldn't startle people who are holding knives!" Peridot's expressive eyes seem to pop out of her head as she says that. She suddenly decides to stop cutting her apple and redirect her focus to the eggs.

"You didn't leave?" I say with a wide smile plastered on my face. Peridot nods and slides a heap of scrambled eggs onto a paper plate. "And you made us breakfast?"

"Lapis, I'm going to need you to stop asking stupid questions." She says with a sassy flick of the spatula in her left hand. She breaks into a relaxed smile, and I'm glad she feels peaceful and safe here. I lean in and press a kiss on her lips. I look at this small girl and get distracted by her eyes. I smile back at her and glance down at the shirt she's wearing, my shirt. The black fabric is stretched tightly across her large breasts and I can see her nipples through the cloth.

"Eyes up here," she taunts with a smirk.

"Hmm?" I say, still somewhat distracted.

She rolls her eyes. "Are you always this lame?" Instead of answering I lift her onto the kitchen counter and ruffle her hair. I step in between her spread legs and put my arms around her neck. "Are you gonna kiss me or what?" she asks in a collected tone.

"Hmm. I don't know. Why would you wanna kiss someone as lame as me?" I run one hand down the side of her body. She drops the spatula and hisses out my name, a fair warning that I should stop playing games. Knowing how fickle she can be when it comes to touching, I decide it's best to give her what she wants. I press a quick kiss on her lips before lifting her shirt over her head. I toss the shirt to the side and meet her gaze before dropping my eyes to her boobs. Our bodies are on opposite sides of the spectrum which is funny considering there's only a ten pound difference between us. I place my hands on her breasts and smile. God, I love tits. I try not to act like a young boy seeing a pair of boobs for the first time, so I move my mouth to her neck. I nip and suck on the skin there while massaging her breasts and occasionally pinching a nipple. Her back arches and she digs her fingers into my shoulders before pushing my head down to her boobs.

Seamlessly I take a nipple in my mouth. One hand moves down to caress her inner thighs, glad she opted not to wear pants last night. She moans out my name which encourages me to suck a little harder, eliciting a whimper. She says my name one more in a voice much loftier than the one she typically speaks in. I'd do anything to hear her say my name like this everyday. Just before I move to take off her panties she says my name again, this time it's different. She's concerned. I'm assuming she's just nervous and anticipated all too late the direction of this encounter. I prepare to launch myself into the standard "It's ok, you can trust me, but if you want to stop- that's cool too" rant that every fuck boy has in their back pocket, but she speaks again before I can. "Lapis! The eggs."

I turn and I'm immediately struck by the scent of burning unborn chickens that seem to want to take out their revenge in the form of cockblocking. I groan internally and turn off the stove. I use a nearby fork to scrape the eggs into the trash.

Peridot looks at me with a radiant smile that makes me feel a bit warm inside, "You're gonna scratch off the teflon." I laugh and roll my eyes. I was hoping she wouldn't call me out on this but she does. I pull out a wooden spoon and continue using that. She scoots off the counter and takes the pan from my hands. "I'll wash it. You eat the other eggs."

I smirk "Those eggs are probably cold."

She gives me a look "Better cold than burnt." I close a the drawers and wipe down the dirty counter, I also wipe down the counter that Peridot's ass was on because that seems like the right thing to do. Peridot, was very shy last night, but now she has no problem washing dishes while wearing nothing but her panties. The sight of her turns me on and I'm suddenly wondering why we're not fucking right now.

"Toss me the spatula," she calls out to me. I pick the spatula off the ground and walk over to her. In a moment of impulse I bring my hand back and smack the spatula against her left cheek. It wasn't hard, just playful. "Hey!" she's blushing intensely. She's not embarrassed, just surprised. I note in my mind that Peridot is into spanking. I spank her again; she gasps as her eyes flutter shut. She turns the water off and places her hands on the counter, sticking her bum out to give me better access. She has fully prepared herself for a harder spanking. I get a wicked idea and I ignore her position, turn the sink back on, and continue her work on this dishes.

"What the fuck? Why are you such a tease?"

"Because I don't anticipate that you'll make me cum anytime soon, so I'm taking my time with you." I say it without thinking, and I regret saying it even before I see her expression shift to genuine hurt.

"Is this only about sex to you?"

"No," I say instantly in response. I feel a prickling feeling go through me as I realize that we've reached a more serious point in whatever's happening between us. Up until now it's been fun and games, but now it's exceedingly clear that we both like each other and we're going to have to put a label on whatever this is. Obviously this wasn't just about sex. I'd go for someone more experienced and less smart if that was the case. I look at Peridot and feel an overwhelming urge to protect her. When I'm around her I feel so much more free. I feel like she understands me when I speak and she gets my sense of humor. She also sees me for me. She doesn't care how well I swim or how nice I look in a bathing suit. The thing that pushes it over for me is how she was there for me yesterday. She didn't run when she found out about my mom. She actually wanted to stay by me, which is why she's here right now in the first place, and I have the audacity to have made her feel like this was just a sex thing. Like she was one of the other sluts I've used as distractions from my shitty life. I don't know what to say, so I start with "I'm sorry."

She gives me an unconvinced look and goes to put on her shirt. The universal sign that sexy time is over. She finds a fork and starts eating the cold eggs. I like to think that it's easy to please me when I'm upset. I just solve my problems on my own and like to be held and supported physically while that happens. If I have something to say, I'll say it, but there's no need to ask me a million questions. I have the feeling that Peridot would like to talk about her problems which probably stems from the fact that she has people who care about her and want to hear about her problems. I want to be one of those people, so I open myself up to whatever she might want to say. "What's wrong?"

"I haven't done this before, and I don't want to go too fast. I don't want to mess up and disappoint you, but I also don't want you to get what you want out of me and just move on to the next." She looks at me. This is where I ask another question.

"Do you think I would do that?"

"Well...no, but I've never really been with anyone. Maybe I'm just naive."

"I've never dated anyone either." Peridot turns towards me in shock.

"But haven't you...you said that you-" she pauses for a moment "I didn't know that." She groans "There's so much I don't know about y-"

"You don't need to know everything about me. Not yet at least. If you knew everything you'd get bored. You're doing fine." She looks surprised that I'm saying the right things, and honestly I'm pretty surprised too. I start making coffee.

"Also it's really weird that no one is home. My house is never empty unless we're all gone together." She pauses. "When I said weird I didn't mean 'weird' weird, just kind of-"

I smile "No I get it. It is kinda weird." She smiles and looks relieved.

"No one has ever seen me that naked. That's the furthest I've gone. I've only ever kissed other people. One time in ninth grade I let this sophomore touch my boobs, but only for like ten seconds over my clothes, so this was kind of like... a lot, especially to do it all in a kitchen. Wow."

I nod and try to put myself in her perspective. "You seemed to like it though."

She blushes and nods. "I don't know maybe we should slow down."

To my surprise I'm not disappointed when she says that. I blink my eyes and realize that I've finally found someone worth waiting for. "We can wait," I reassure her.

"Actually no! I don't want to wait, but I do. I'm just still kind of nervous. It's just that- We'll get there. It's going to happen." She growls in frustration. "You make me really horny."

I laugh. "The feeling is mutual."

"But also, I really really like you."

I step closer, "I like you too."

"I also want to get to know more about you," I nod "um-and I don't want to share you." I step in closer and she grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers. She leans her head on my chest and my breath hitches. She's so good and precious.

"Peridot. Be my girlfriend," I blurt out.

"That will work," she muses. She repeats the word back to me in awe "Girlfriends."


	10. Doodles in the Corners

Author's Note: Thank you for the support. This is another NSFW chapter, but the next chapter should be more tame. I hope to update again this weekend :) I can't believe I'm already on the 10th chapter! This story has almost 900 views which is really cool. I'm glad I tried fanfic out. The short story format isn't my preferred method of writing; I've always preferred writing scripts and plays, but I'm having a lot of fun writing this and reading your comments. Thanks- Jay

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Her skin is smooth and it feels much thicker than my own. Her face is freckled and her shoulders are slightly red from the 8 hours she just spent floating in the mild ocean waves. She has that unique beach smell coupled with a relaxed smile. I snap a picture. I want to take pictures of her at the beach but I have to mentally prepare myself for a beach day before that happens. I snap another picture when she crosses her eyes and flashes a silly face at the camera.

"Beer or wine?" She asks standing up from the couch and stretching.

"Neither. Do you have soda?" She walks into the kitchen leaving me in the adjacent living room.

"I don't keep soda in the house, it's unhealthy." She says looking through the fridge, not picking up on the irony of her words.

"Water then." She returns with a glass of tap water and a bottle of uncorked pink moscato. She drinks the wine straight out of the bottle.

"I'm glad you got a new bike. I didn't feel like driving after I came back from the beach."

"I'm glad too. It makes going to work easier."

"I could always take you to work," she offers.

"You're usually also at work when I need a ride. Besides, I don't want to get stranded there and have to walk back home when my shift ends."

"Right." Her eyes flutter shut and she looks like she could take a nap right now, but she can't. We have things to do.

I continue conversation in attempts to keep her awake. "You will drive me to school though. That will be happening."

"Shh. Don't talk about school," she says softly with her eyes still closed. Looking at her relaxing with a bottle of wine is bothering me, mainly because I'm filled with energy that I want her to match.

"That's why I'm here. To help you with your math work." She groans but wakes up.

"I'm gonna shower and change first then we can do this." I nod. "You want to join me?" I think of the offer. I have clothes that I keep at her house, so that's not a problem. I look at her drowsy eyes. She raises her eyebrows and smirks halfheartedly. We haven't been naked in front of each other yet. Matter of factly I haven't been naked in front of anyone. The smirk fades from her face and she looks mildly concerned "You don't have to if you don't-"

"I'll pass." I think it still stresses her out when I don't immediately respond to her sexual advances. It's been a week since we've decided to be girlfriends and since then we've had several conversations about intimacy, mainly because it's a topic that simultaneously confuses and excites me. I can't tell where Lapis stands on it though. She just says that she's ok with whatever I'm ok with, but I know it bothers her when I pass up on these requests. I initially thought it was a selfish impulse, but now I'm starting to reconsider. Either way, she hasn't said anything about it.

She responds somewhat predictably. She scrunches her eyebrows and asks "Are you okay?" I don't think she understands that when I say no it's not because something's wrong. I suddenly feel frustrated as I think of all the things she probably will just never understand.

"I'm fine. "

She still looks worried."I- Ok." She turns and leaves. When she turns I can see how toned her upper back is. She's wearing a bikini top with a long shawl wrapped low around her hips. I watch her decorated hips sway in a feminine fashion as she glides up the stairs. I sigh. I never want her to see me naked. I'm already thinking of what she must've thought after seeing me topless. I'm not muscular or strong or sexy. I don't look like a swimsuit model nor do I feel cute enough to walk around in public in a bikini top and short shorts like she does. I'm just super pale and super short. I look like a little boy with boobs. I roll my eyes. If my body was as superior as my intellectual ability then I'd probably rule the world.

I pick up the packet of math homework that I'm supposed to be helping Lapis with. It's basic calculus stuff. Optimization, related rates, derivatives, limits. I could do this in my sleep. I flip through the packet and get to the third page, which is mostly completed. She's also doodled in every corner. The first answer looks wrong, so I grab the graphing calculator to check it. Every answer on this page is wrong. I erase the answers and the work associated with them. I'm careful enough to make sure I don't touch the doodles though. Upstairs I hear Lapis start to sing. I recognize the song. She played it for me before.

Suddenly I feel bad as I erase the final response on the page. I've been thinking of Lapis as a very closed off person who doesn't communicate. Someone who isn't opinionated. Someone who has basic interests. That's why I was frustrated. I was seeing her as someone she isn't. What's wrong with me? I'm the worst girlfriend ever. I groan out loud and take a swig of the wine Lapis left on the table in attempts to feel cool and maybe warm and tipsy. Nope. Bad idea. I don't know how alcohol works and this tastes disgusting. I rush to the sink and spit it out. I don't need alcohol to make bad decisions. I do that on my own.

I feel active and anxious. I need to do something. I walk back to the math, hoping I'll find something interesting to do in the packet. I look back down at the doodles Lapis drew. Random lines and swirls. With a closer glance I see there's a garden in the bottom left corner, complete with butterflies and bees. In the bottom right corner there's a picture of a foot drawn in vivid detail. How did I not notice how good this drawing was earlier. In the top corner- it's my name. A heart is on top of the "i" and a heart inside the hole in the "P". I so focused on erasing her wrong answers that I didn't notice any of this. Wow.

I run up the stairs and try to open the door. It's locked. Fuck. I run back down the stairs, grab a bobby pin out of my bag, and run back up the stairs. Out of breath, I pick the lock and enter her room. She's still singing in the shower. What do I do now? Is it too late to join her? I pace the room for a few moments, before stopping in front of the long mirror hanging on her wall.

I look at myself in the mirror. Do I always look like this? I tried to dress nice today. I wore a button down and a belt. I slowly take my clothes off and watch my every movement in the cracked mirror hanging in her room. My shirt, pants, and belt fall into a pile near her bed. Why didn't I match my bra and panties today jeez. I'm wearing a dingy gray bra with a bleach stain with pristine white boy shorts that have little green stripes. I take the bra off, and look at myself in just my panties. Lapis saw me in this much clothing last week, but it felt different. Clothes came off because they had to for things to continue. She took my clothes off for me. Now I'm starting things. I'm giving her a blank canvas to work on. With a deep breath I shimmy off my underwear. I know I don't have to do this, and just minutes ago I didn't want her to see me like this.

I give myself another quick look in the mirror. I'm not ugly, and I look better than I have in the past. If she's ever gonna see me naked this is what she's going to get. This is me. I cup my boobs and imagine that the hands belong to Lapis; if I close my eyes I can even feel Lapis' body pressed against mine. I always do this. I always want sexual contact after I've rejected it, but I only reject it because I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to mess up. I'm scared that I'm not good enough. Lapis has done this before with girls who are prettier and more experienced than me. How will I compete? What does she even see in me?

My mom always told me that I should love my body because guys will love it as long as it's clean, but Lapis isn't a boy. She has the same parts that I do and she has the better version of them.

Suddenly I hear the water cut off and I freeze. Three seconds later Lapis walks through the bathroom door rubbing her towel on her face before wrapping it around herself and seeing me. "Fuck! Peridot?!" she gasped, genuinely startled. "Why- Peridot. Fuck...you're beautiful."

Her eyes widen, but it's probably nothing compared to how my eyes are bulging out of my head from how much her words surprised me. "Come again?" I squeak.

"You're beautiful." My heart skips a beat and I flood with relief. She steps closer. "Why are you up here?" she asks gently. "What do you want?"

"I just want you." I say honestly. I look into her blue eyes and feel transported. I want to feel her. I want to speak to her through touch. I want to understand. She takes another step in and drops the towel. I make three sudden observations about her body. First are her tan lines. I've tanned like that maybe two times in my life and both times it was more of a burn than a tan. Secondly I note the fact that her nipples are brown. It makes sense that her nipples are brown given her skin tone, but I guess I never thought of it since mine are pink. Thirdly I notice that she's even hotter than I originally thought. Standing in front of me completely naked she seems so perfect. This is the state she was meant to be in. I'm immediately aroused and slightly intimidated.

"Touch me." She says it quietly not because she's shy, but because she's suddenly only a foot away. She grabs lotion of the top of the nearby dresser and hands me the bottle. My breath quickens at the sudden request. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious, and the lotion gives me a purpose. I squeeze a quarter sized amount into my hand and drop the bottle. My hands immediately go to her hips. I touch her gently before realizing I have to apply pressure if I want her body to actually absorb the lotion. In no time I'm learning things about Lapis' body and forgetting my shyness. She giggles when I lightly touch her calves and her breath hitches when I place my hand on her lower back. She flinches slightly when I touch her upper back and explains that she used to have a scar there, but it's now faded. It doesn't feel so weird anymore. She smiles and looks down into my eyes. I shudder slightly and involuntarily smile back.

In one clean swoop she picks me up and tosses me onto her bed. A second later she's straddling me much like she did after I nearly drowned. She lowers her head so that our faces are just inches apart. She breathes quickly and her still wet hair cascades in blue tendrils around her face. She subtly shifts her weight before grinding into me. I close my eyes overwhelmed by the fact that she's using my body for pleasure. I bring one hand up to her head and grab her hair. I push her face into mine so that our lips can clash together and in no time our tongues are swirling together and her hands are roaming my body. She slides her hands upwards before grabbing my boobs. She pulls away for just a moment then reaches to the side and pulls my belt out of the pile of clothes that rests beside her bed. "This really caught my attention," she says with a devilish smirk.

She uses my belt to tie my hands above my head to the headboard. I suddenly feel very exposed, but it's completely acceptable. She kisses my cheek then my neck then she buries her face in between my breasts and places a kiss there. She continues to give me wet kisses down my body. Each one sends a shiver down my spine as the anticipation grows. She kisses lower and lower until she reaches my lower stomach. She waits a moment before kissing my inner thigh making my hips buck slightly. She seems amused by my reaction and slowly draws her tongue across my thigh just to make me squirm. I want to know what's going through her mind. Is she going to eat me out or is she just toying with me? Interrupting my thoughts is her slender finger sliding across the entrance to my pussy. I can no longer think. She's looking at me the way a cat looks at a mouse trapped in a corner. She has me where she wants me. I whimper gently. "Lapis. Please." She's still for a moment. I move my hips looking for any form of release. I look at her once more and whine her name. With one more cocky smile she plunges her finger inside me and starts to curl it back and forth. I want to scream. My eyes shut and I let out a deep sigh of relief before letting out a deep moan in response to her adding another finger. I feel myself panting and moaning much more than what should be acceptable, but I'm so deeply enthralled.

She muffles my moans by kissing me once again. She uses one hand to cup my face and the other to pleasure me. When our lips aren't connected I'm moaning into her ear. There is as edge to my sounds that subtly conveys my total desperation. I am completely at her mercy and I want to be nothing but hers. She kisses me fiercely, biting into my bottom lip. I whimper and whine and seconds later I'm throwing my head back and submitting to a feeling that I can't control. I feel the pleasure ripple through my body and she waits for the sensation to fully leave me before withdrawing her fingers.

A shudder runs through my body as I lie there panting with my eyes shut tight. "Peri," Lapis coos. I open my eye and catch her licking me off of her ring finger. "You taste good." She shoves her middle finger into my mouth so that I can taste myself. I hesitate for a second before licking and sucking off every drop.

Finally she unties my hands, nuzzles into my chest, and wraps her long limbs around me. I wrap my arms around her as tight as I can just so I can make sure she's real and all of this just happened. After a few minutes her head feels heavier and her mouth opens slightly. She's fast asleep. I suddenly remember the purpose of this visit her and I wanna smack myself upside the head for letting the math homework evade us. I decide to let her rest for a few more minutes before going back downstairs. I run my hand up and down her back and twirl her hair with my fingers. When she's sleeping she has this rare look of relaxation on her face. The look she gave me earlier before finger fucking me is long gone and replaced with a look that almost resembles innocence. The angelic expression plastered across her newly caramel tanned skin also makes her look younger. I press a gentle kiss on her forehead.

I wouldn't say that I'm a protective girlfriend. I understand that Lapis can defend herself physically and emotionally, but in moments when she's sleeping on me I feel like she's too precious for the world. If school wasn't starting in a week I'd let her sleep, but she needs to start her packet. I gently nudge her shoulder and nothing happens. I try to escape her grip to no avail. I grunt and fidget and finally surrender to the fact that I'm going to spend the rest of the night tangled up with the clod. I smile gently and close my eyes.


	11. First Day

Author's Note: Hey! It popped up a bit earlier, but I just wanted to restate that I made Jasper a boy in my fanfic. I know that's one of the more sensitive things in this fandom. People hate boy Jaspers and skinny Roses or Amethysts. I absolutely don't mean to offend anyone; I literally just wanted to make her a boy. I also thought it fit with my story a bit better. Also I'm going to give a trigger warning for this chapter. It's not super graphic or horrible, there's just a brief mention of nonconsensual sexual contact. Sorry for the long note, I just don't want anyone to be upset. Love y'all! - Jay

* * *

"Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Bag in the back. Strap up, COME ON!" Peridot looks completely unamused as I bark at her through the window of my car. She drags her feet and looks exhausted. She tosses her backpack in the backseat as directed then slams the door shut and practically crawls into the front seat. "You look pathetic! It's the first day where's your energy?" I ask practically bouncing in my seat.

"Sorry. I think I lost my energy somewhere back in freshman year. I don't want to step foot into that school just to see all those clods again."

I think the fact that we're starting on a wednesday makes this first day more acceptable. The fact that I'll get to see Peridot everyday is also exciting. There are a lot of different factors that are indicating why this year will be the best of the four years spent at Beach City High. "I think it'll be cool to go back since we're seniors now." Peridot snorts in response. I suppose she's not obligated to have as much school spirit as I am. A part of coaching a sports team is bleeding your school colors.

I look over to give her a condescending look but I'm distracted by her choice in clothing first. It just hits me how repulsive it is. She's wearing an ill fitting polo shirt, cargo pants, and bulky sneakers that don't match her outfit in the slightest. Her outfit choices are typically inconsistent. One day she'll have black nails and a skinny jeans, the next day she's wearing a cute button down and khakis, the day after that it'll be a graphic tee and ripped jeans, but I've never seen her wear something so distasteful. I feel like she'll just throw on the closest articles of clothing, which is fine. I'll just have to make sure she has her more decent clothes within reach. We can go shopping next weekend, no, the weekend after that, because that's when I'll get my paycheck. In the meantime I choose to impress upon her my dissatisfaction with her current outfit. "Um, what in the fuck are you wearing?"

"At least what I'm wearing is in dress code," she jabs back in reference to my crop top. I pull the gear into reverse and start backing out of her driveway. "Why are you so excited to go back to school anyway?"

That's a good question. The first couple of months of school always suck because swim doesn't really start until november, so I really don't have much to look forward to. I'm also not necessarily anxious to finish high school because who knows what will come next. I can't really afford college and I'm less than thrilled to be working everyday at some odd jobs that I simply tolerate. The worst part about that is that I'm not stupid. I got a 1300 on the SAT which is supposed to be pretty good. The obvious strong point is my swimming, I just need a swim scholarship, but I don't know if my GPA is good enough for one. I kind of tanked my GPA around freshman year when I was too preoccupied hating mom and learning to hold my liquor better than any fourteen year old should be able to. I suppose that's why I took an AP spanish classes last year and I'm taking another one this year, to boost my GPA. My art teacher told me I could apply for an artsy school that admits based off of artistic talent and not grades, but my art isn't good enough yet. Thinking about school this way is stressful and depressing, so instead of answering Peridot's question I ask her a new one. "What did you get on your SAT?"

"1520," she says robotically.

"Woah really?" I'm not surprised, I'm just constantly impressed by how smart she is.

"I had to take it three times. My math score was perfect every time, but reading kinda sucked. You?"

"1300." She looks really surprised.

"I would've guessed 1100."

I'm taken aback. "You can't just say that! What does that mean?"

"You're not great at math and most of the athletes at our school don't score too well." I don't really know how to respond. She can be so blunt, but I'm surprisingly not offended. I think I automatically could assume that she was the type of person who'd think that everyone was significantly dumber than her. I guess she's not wrong though.

When we arrive at school we are about 15 minutes early. These 15 minutes are extremely crucial to me and my daily routine. I turn up the music so that it's obnoxiously streaming out of my car and I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is extra bouncy today and I have blue reflective sunglasses that bring out the blue in my eyes (as if my hair didn't do that enough). I lean back in my seat and let out a deep sigh. "Peri, what's your schedule this semester again?"

"Biology, Statistics as an elective, Computer Science as an elective, and PE." She counts them all off on her fingers.

"Hey! We have PE together!" I smile. "I have Pre-calc then European History then Art and Spanish on alternating days and I have PE last too."

She chuckles slightly and grabs my hand "I remember your schedule." For as standoffish as she can be, she's also very affectionate. She kisses my cheek and I'm reminded of her ugly shirt.

"Let's get this off of you," I say slowly pulling the shirt over her head.

"Lapis! We're at school," she hisses.

"Shh. Don't worry. I have an extra shirt in the trunk for when I go to the beach." I slide the shirt over her head kiss her neck before getting out my car and going to get the shirt from my trunk as promised.

"Hey Lapis!" someone yells out to me. It's Kiki a sophomore that was on the swim team. I wave and smile back at her before returning to the front seat and handing Peridot the shirt. It's a bluish green v-neck.

"Who was that?" She asks.

"Kiki. She was on the swim team. It was cool seeing her and all, but it kinda just reminded me of how many people are just going to be saying hi all day. It's gonna be a little weird to catch up." I laugh a little. I'm bemused by the idea of seeing old faces and maybe some new ones as well.

Peridot gives me a sad look. "No one will say hi to me."

"Sure they will. People have seen you around; they'll say hi."

"No Lapis. I've been pretty invisible. The only people who remember me are the people who I piss off."

"I feel that. I've fought with so many people here I-"

"No. It's more literal with me. People just don't notice me. " She twitches her face in a way that indicates she's trying not to look as sad as she is, but Peridot's poker face is non-existent.

"I notice you," I say firmly "And I'll never forget you." She looks up and smiles weakly. "You look really nice in that shirt, maybe you'll make a new friend...just don't get too friendly with them ok?" I glance down at her cleavage then give her a little wink. "Come on. The bell's 'bout to ring." She checks her watch and her eyes pop out a little.

She gets out the car and grabs her bag. "Lapis. It rings in a minute!"

I jump out the car and lock the doors. "Run," I say shrugging my shoulders. I kiss her cheek before sprinting off.

"You're going to get me killed!" She calls out behind me.

* * *

Leaving art class felt great. I felt accomplished when I walked out, and I saw people who I actually cared about outside of swim team. In pre-calc and in history I spent the entire period beating myself up and anticipating how hard the failures in those classes would tank my GPA, but when I stepped into the art room I immediately felt more optimistic. I know what I'm doing in the art room. I gravitate towards various different pens and watercolors. I've even gotten a hang of using acrylic paints as watercolors.

Now I'm on my way to the gym where I'll undoubtedly feel equally as proficient. I don't necessarily know what to expect from the class itself. I know that it's coed but occasionally they'll separate us based on gender, and I know that people of all grades are just thrown in there. Lars told me all of this when he took the class last year.

I get to the gym a bit late because the art hall is on the other side of the building, but it shouldn't be an issue because the coach will most likely take role after everyone changes. I rush into the locker room, there are only about ten girls in there. It takes me a second to find a decent locker, one that isn't completely rusted, broken, dirty, smelly, or positioned right next to one of the showers. I quickly change into a pair of shorts and a sports bra then I throw a loose tank top over the whole thing. I still haven't spotted Peridot, so I take a quick glance around the room yet again. I walk around and see a bright green lock that's unnecessarily high tech. I assume that the lock belongs to her. I fill my bottle with water and walk out the locker room. As soon as I walk out a hand slaps my ass. My first thought is Peridot, but I don't think she can hit that hard. I spin around and I'm suddenly face to face with Jasper, or should I say face to neck.

"Long time no see Lapis," he says with a grin. I can't even begin to fathom how unlucky I have to be to see him in this moment. My mind can't compute how shitty this is, so it simply turns off.

"I would've preferred to keep it that way," I retort walking away. I played that moment off pretty cool, but on the inside I'm dying. As soon as I walk away the weight of Jasper's presence truly hits me. This was supposed to be a great class, a good end to my day, but now… I don't know how I'm going to be able to put up with seeing Jasper everyday. Every time I see him I think of how he dragged me out to his car that night last year. I was so drunk. I was disappointed that I lost a swim competition so I went to a party to try to cheer myself up. I should've never gone. People kept giving me drinks, so I kept taking them, and somehow I ended up in the back seat of Jasper's car with his half naked body on top of me. I kept quiet about the whole thing, but someone must've seen him take off with me because our swim coach found out, kicked Jasper off the team, and suspended him for two weeks. It should've been more, but I didn't really want to speak up and be reprimanded for my underage drinking, an offense that could also potentially get me kicked off the team.

Before that, Jasper and I were pretty cool. We were extremely competitive and he always hated that I was captain of the swim team. We used to race almost everyday. We really pushed ourselves in ways that are stupid in retrospect. I'm glad we stopped talking, and I feel kind of sick after that small interaction.

I finally find Peridot and sit beside her as the coach calls role. This coach is new. I've never seen him in my life, and I can already tell that I dislike him. He pronounces our names as if he's never read out loud in his life and every time he opens his mouth I'm distracted by his pornstache. I pull my focus away from him and redirect it to Peridot. I whisper "How's the first day going?"

She shrugs. "Classes are easy. I'm just kind of coasting this year. My bio teacher is psychotic though. She gave us a seating chart and went on a rant about how biology is the ultimate and purest form of science. You?" I ponder the question as I scan the gym and take in all the people. Many of them are underclassmen but the seniors in the room are me, Peridot, Ronaldo, Jasper, and Pearl. I'm happy that Pearl is in this class.

I think about my other classes. My first two classes suck. I imagine myself sitting in those classrooms everyday for the rest of the semester. Sitting. Staring at the clock. Hating everyone and everything. Then I think about art class and I think of how fun Spanish class will be tomorrow. "My day is fine," I say. Peridot nods.

"Ok!" The coach announces as he stands. His shorts are entirely too tight and show and uncomfortable amount of his 'junk'. He goes on to explain how grades will be administered. "I firmly disbelieve in giving grades based on effort. If you can't meet the numbers then you can't get the grade you want. Same way it works in every other class. If you fail the test, you tank your grade. So I'm talking to those of you who think you're above this class and think you can just get through by clinging to the back of the crowd." He gives a sly look at Ronaldo. I don't know much about Ronaldo, but if I were to take a guess, he's seems like the exact kind of person who would cut corners or lie about how many laps he ran. "Anywho, y'all will be split into three groups based on your athletic ability. So throughout this first week we'll be running a series of tests to help determine where you should be placed. Today we'll measure BMI real quick and move on to upper body strength and abdominal strength. Push-up, pull ups, sit-ups, then planks. Tomorrow will be more calm; we'll test flexibility and balance. Friday we'll run the mile. On Monday you'll know your groups. Sound good?"

"No," Peridot mutters under her breath. I give her a light shove to tell her not to worry about it.

Taking our BMI goes pretty quickly considering there are only 30 of us and there were three scales and measuring poles. We all moved into a separate room connected to the gym that used to be used as the room for detention. Coach hands out slips of paper and assigns us all random partners. He explains that we should write all of our results down on the slip and have other student initial next to the number to ensure that we don't lie. I'm assigned to a small boy who comes up to my shoulder and can't wait to finish this class so that he can get on the bus and go home. When I finish on the scale, the boy signs his initials without really looking.

I started putting my numbers into the BMI calculator when I hear Peridot erupt behind me. "I AM FIVE FEET AND FOUR INCHES TALL!"

"The pole says 5'3" sorry," her measuring partner says unenthusiastically.

"Stupid fucking clod pole," she says grumbling as her partner signs her paper. I chuckle. I was spot on with my height and weight: 5'8" and 140lbs. Peridot was less than pleased with her height and weight.

After the whole ordeal she started a rant about how this wasn't even close to being a fair indication of our general health and how the whole procedure was incorrect and useless. I'm not having nearly as many quams with what's currently happening so I just listen to her rant and let her blow off some of her steam. She starts frantically moving her arms. "Maybe you should save some of your energy for the push ups," I say. She scowls at me and I can't help but laugh at how deeply inconvenienced she feels by this class.

Finally the class finishes up with the scales and poles and we transition to the gym to start the other tests. "Everybody line up!" We stare at coach after he says that. This isn't practice, and there's no reason to be in a line. The class half heartedly composes a line that's somewhat S-shaped, but coach seems pleased. "We're running short on time, so instead of doing all four exercises you're only going to do two, one from each category. If you choose to do push-ups, you're going to measure how many you can do in a minute's time, same goes for sit ups. For the planks and pull-ups try to reference the posters on the wall to ensure that you're doing them the proper way. You can choose your partners this time, but you both have to do the same exercises." I choose to do push ups and a plank because those are my personal go-to exercises anyway and it would be kind of interesting to measure them.

I ask Peridot if she'll be my partner and initial off for me. "Sure, but I can't do a push-up, so will you just sign and say I did 10?"

Before I can respond, coach turns around with the fury of a bull. "If you do that I'll fail both of you! Find a new partner!" He grabs Peridot by the arm, which is probably illegal, and drags her to the pull up bar and pairs her up with someone else. He seems to be legitimately angry and I don't understand why he takes his job this seriously. He turns back to me and starts to walk over when Jasper jumps in between us and says "I'll be her partner." Coach nods and moves along after mean mugging me one last time. I want to scream. I want to tell the coach that Jasper shouldn't allowed to be near me, but I don't want to reveal to Jasper how much he's really bothering me.

"Lazuli, how've you been?"

"Don't talk to me," I say instinctually.

"Don't be that way." I go over to the bucket of supplies in the middle of the gym I feel both Peridot and Jasper's eyes trained on me. I grab a timer out of a bucket and start walking back to Jasper. When I get about halfway there I toss him the timer. "No, Lapis. I want to go first," he says handing back the timer. I sigh and roll my eyes but take the timer back. He gets into position with his hands and toes touching the ground. "You ready?" he asks. I nod in response. "Ok. Go." He starts doing his push-ups at a speed that's so incredibly show-offy. I suppose if you only have sixty seconds, you have to cram in as many as possible. He starts to slow down in the last ten seconds, but still maintains a pace that's significantly faster than anyone else.

"Time," I say dryly when the minute is up.

"I did 63," he says not really showing any signs of exertion.

"I know. I counted." I write down 63 on his paper and put the word "push-ups" in parentheses beside it. I initial next to the line and hand him both of our papers and the timer.

I drop down and just before I start, Jasper says four words that ruin me. "Try to beat that." I know I can't do more than 63 push ups in a minute. 50 was my goal, and even that was pushing it. However, those four words always drew me into a challenge. "Go," he says aggressively. I start to pump myself up and down, but I can already tell that the speed isn't where it should be. I try to go faster, but I can only maintain the faster speed in short spurts. Jasper tauntingly counts down the last three seconds. I do a couple more after he calls time, but we both know those don't count. "57."

"I know," I say, keeping the unwarranted disappointment out of my voice.

"Good job. I didn't expect that much from you." I curl my lip in disgust as I watch him write 57 on my paper. I see coach peer over at us, and I'm glad that he watched us do our push-ups. Now he's less likely to question our numbers and make us redo the test with different partners.

"Keep the timer. I'll plank first."

"No Lazuli." He drops to the ground and looks deep into my eyes. "Together."

This decision is a dangerous one, because we're both more likely to hold out for longer than we should if it's a direct competition, but I agree. We set the timer in between us and position ourselves so that we're face to face. I press the button to start the timer and we start the competition without a word. We're silent for the first minute and a half. If I remember correctly Jasper's longest plank was 2 minutes and 15 seconds, nothing special. I on the other hand can plank for nearly 5 minutes. We pass the 2 minute mark and Jasper starts shaking. His expression shifts noticeably. I smile slightly which makes him frown even harder. The next ten seconds look excruciating for him as both of his arms start shaking and his face becomes riddled with pain. Veins start bulging out of his muscly arms and suddenly he breaks form. I won.

I smile to myself. I still feel pretty chill in my position. The discomfort is hitting me, but I'm not restless yet. "You're time was 2 minutes and 28 seconds. I think that's a personal best for you." Jasper stands and I focus my eyes at the timer. 2.45 passes. Then 3.00. I start to feel tense and winded, but I start thinking of all the things I'm going to do when I get home. First I'll shower then I'll make some tea and actually work on homework the first day it's assigned. I revel in the thought of me having my shit together before I feel a sharp pain to my side. Jasper kicked me over and a split second later he's pulling me off the ground and sending a punch straight towards my face. That's when things become real, somewhere between him pulling back his fist and me dodging the blow comes a realization that we're really about to fight. The last thing I hear is Peridot calling out to me. People start circling around. I deliver a punch to the gut, which isn't much but I'm also avoiding his blows. I try to punch him again but this time he grabs my arm and twists it behind me. I yell out in pain. He grabs me by the hair and pushes me down. Once I'm on the ground he flops down and sits on my body. I close my eyes in anticipation of a hit. It comes. He slaps me hard across the face. I open my eyes again, half surprised he didn't try to break my nose. He looks at me hard and spits in my face, and that's finally when someone pulls him off of me.

That's also the moment I regret everything and start to fear disciplinary action. I'm yanked to my feet and pulled in one direction. Coach has each of us by the arm and he drags us down the hall. At the end of the hall there's a cracked wooden door. He tells me to sit down in the hall, and he drags Jasper into the room. I follow instructions.

Everything moves very quickly. I still haven't fully wrapped my head around what happen when coach comes back out the room, tells Jasper to go to the front office and tells me to stand up and enter the room that he and Jasper just shared.

The room is small. A large desk takes up majority of the space. He tells me to have a seat and I know that he's going to suspend me, so I hope he does it quickly and I hope I'm only suspended for three days or less so that I can still swim. Ideally he'd let me off with detention so that I could still be captain too. He looks at me "Lapis. Tell me why I shouldn't suspend you."

I don't know what to say, so I start with the obvious. "I didn't start the fight." He rolls his finger in the air telling me to continue. "I also want to keep swimming. I'm captain. I want a scholarship."

He lets out a deep sigh. "I've heard about you. I've heard that you're really good and that you could probably get more than a scholarship, but not if you get into stupid fights." I simply nod, so that I don't make anything worse. "Jasper is at full blame for the altercation that just occurred. You're not in trouble." That's not what I was expecting to hear. I feel elated, but then I suddenly feel my cheeks get red. Why bother psyching me out and asking why I shouldn't be in trouble? "I just mean to impress upon you the importance of avoiding danger, because you seem like the type of girl who takes unnecessary risks. It might not seem like it, but you still have a lot to lose lil miss Lassoogli." I nod and try not to cringe a the name he just called me. "More than just some scholarship." I nod again. I don't know exactly how he intended his words or exactly how much he knows about me, but his statement was painfully accurate and applicable to my life.

Coach concludes by telling me that he switched Jasper out of the class, which doesn't surprise me. We then walk back to the gym together. By the time we get back there are only 5 more minutes until the bell rings, so he tells us all to change.

People avoid me in the dressing rooms all except for Peridot who's trying her best to be calm. "That was incredibly stupid of you and him. Mostly him." She pauses; it's the calm before the storm. "I CAN'T BELIEVE HE HIT YOU. Next time I'll-I'll-"

"There won't be a next time Peri." I pull my shirt over my head and put some more deodorant on. I then pull my sports bra off, and spend a second digging around my bag for my other bra.

"Do you have to change so openly." She says somewhat annoyed. I open my locker again and find my bra in there.

"No one wants to fucking look at me anyway, so who fucking cares?" I slam my locker shut a little harder than intended. "Sorry."

"Are you ok?" Peridot asks. I just shrug. "Are you in trouble?" I shake my head no. I start to pull my crop top over my head when Peridot gasps loudly. "Lapis there's a giant bruise on your side!" Why is she so surprised. I got kicked in the side. No shit there's a bruise. I walk over to the mirror and my face drops. I immediately understand Peridot's concern. The bruise is very large and it's a mixture of all these ugly colors. I groan, and the bell rings, echoing me. I'm not in any rush because I don't have a bus to catch, but I do start to pack up all my things as more and more people clear out.

When I finish packing my bag, Peridot grabs my hand and laces our fingers together. "That really scared me, don't get into any more fights." I look down into her eyes which are the polar opposites of Jasper's. Peridot's eyes clear away the residual anger and shittiness of the past thirty minutes and fill me with a hopeful calm. Peridot is very high up on the list of things I'd hate to lose or fuck up.

I plant a kiss on her forehead. "No more fights," I affirm. We start to walk outside to the parking lot. When we reach my car, I open the her door and prepare to tell her the whole story about Jasper and me, because I'm trying out this thing where I'm trying to be open and emotionally available. It hasn't worked out super well in the past, but I'm making an active effort now, and I feel like explaining the fight is a good place to start.


	12. Confessions of the Corn

Author's Note: Sorry for the wait. Life has been wild. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon because this one ends in a bit of a cliffhanger. Peridot's POV

* * *

I think I'm obsessed with my girlfriend. I'm doing those cutesy things that people in relationships do. Trust me, I tried to be mature and rational about it, but I can't help it. I've changed my phone's wallpaper to a picture of Lapis. Every night I snuggle with one of Lapis' shirts that smells of her sandalwood soap and chlorine. Whenever I go out to eat I text Lapis and ask if she wants me to bring her anything back. We've started sending regular good morning and good night texts. We even engage in PDA, which used to disgust me when I was single, but now I'm officially _not_ single so who cares? Not me. Now that I'm in a relationship I feel desired, and not only that, I feel desired by someone who I also think is desirable. Every time I look at Lapis I can't believe that she's into someone as nerdy and cynical as me, but she is. I can tell by the way she looks at me and opens up to me. She looks so guarded and intimidating in the halls and she looks downright scary when she swims, but then she sees me, she smiles, and my heart melts out my chest.

People like me more because I'm with her. People ask me all the time if I'm the one who's dating the swim captain and I nod proudly. I do however think it's strange that everyone knows of Lapis because she's swim captain and lifeguard part time at the pool, but so few of the people who ask me about her seem to actually know who she is as a person. She doesn't have many close friends, just Lars, some acquaintances, and a shit ton of people who think they know her. I guess she's doing better than me still because my only friend is my TI-84 and Amethyst, both of whom I dislike half the time. One friend who I've chosen to neglect from Lapis' friends list is Pearl, and that's because I strongly dislike her. Pearl feels like she's somehow entitled to information on our relationship, which she isn't.

Pearl and I sit next to each other in biology every morning, and that's the second stupidest decision our teacher has made. The stupidest decision was making us lab partners as well. Besides the fact that I hate her, Pearl and I have completely different opinions on life, science, and the world as a whole. Pearl and I honestly represent the two different types of nerds. She's the type of nerd who is overly cautious, vegan, preppy, and a general overachiever. She's a show-off, a teacher's pet. She goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up early every morning to do fucking yoga. I on the other hand live a life that's substantiated by a disgusting disregard for my health or sanity. I hate mornings, play too many video games, hate physical activity, can barely touch my toes, and look generally disheveled like a pudding cup you dropped on the floor before feeding to your toddler.

Every morning I feel Pearl deteriorate the quality of my life. I walk in right before the bell in the morning and take my seat, and of course she's already there. Instead of greeting me she'll point out something about my appearance that is a tell tale sign that I just made out with Lapis. One day it was lipgloss on my neck, one day it was my messed up hair, and another day it was my shirt being inside out. She'll chastise me for being sloppy then she'll chastise me some more for the Red Bull I drink every morning.

As I sit in Lapis' passenger seat I drone on about Pearl, and I'm mildly irritated when Lapis sticks up for her. I try to further explain how Pearl is attacking who I am as a person by commenting on my Red Bull habits, and without looking over Lapis says "Well, she's kinda right. You really shouldn't drink that shit." I stay silent. "I'll start making you coffee in the morning."

"Sure whatever." The rest of the ride is silent, but not necessarily awkward. Lapis hums along to her music and I sit in thought. When we get to school Lapis tousles her hair to make it look more rugged. She does look admittedly more sexy.

"I have to be at the pool by four today. The other lifeguard called out. You should come with me. The pool will be dead on a Tuesday afternoon."

She either can't or refuses to grasp the concept that I can't swim. Chillin' at the pool will not be fun. It'll be hot and uncomfortable and boring. It wouldn't even be a tolerable experience because Lapis would be too busy supervising and working to interact with me. Even if I did enjoy the pool, I'd still have to decline the offer. "Pearl and I have to work on our lab together. I'm going to ride with her to her house after school."

"Oh yeah. I forgot. That works out then." She smiles and flicks my forehead before getting out of the car. I follow suit. "Tell me how your experiment goes, and try not to kill Pearl." She says walking off towards her class. I'm disappointed that Lapis walked off before kissing me, but glad that I won't have to hear Pearl's mouth this morning.

"No promises." I huff. I walk in the opposite direction. On the way to biology I toss my unopened Red Bull in the trash in attempts of being a healthier human, mostly for Lapis but also to avoid talking to Pearl completely. I feel good about the decision for less than a second before I'm filled with searing regret. I stop in my tracks, contemplating the worth of trying to get it back. I turn back to the trash can and notice that there's hardly any trash in it because it's still fairly early in the morning. I look around and no one else is near me, so I reach in to get it, but the can is a lot deeper and I'm a lot shorter than I thought. Soon majority of my arm is in this trash can and I feel gross, but I already committed. I wrap my hand around the smooth aluminum surface of the can and start to raise my energy drink out of the trash when I hear a familiar click of heels followed by a scoff.

"Peridot? What exactly are you doing?" Pearl asks in the most pretentious way possible.

I pull the can out slowly and go to open the tab before realizing that I also have to clean the can before bringing it to my lips. I sigh. "I don't know why it concerns you, Pearl."

"Well, we're going to be in awfully close proximity for the next hour, so I'd just prefer it if you didn't smell like trash." She looks down at the drink in my hand and gives me a sympathetic look. "People really get addicted to those drinks." She walks off for a second before turning around and adding "There's no lipstick on your face. Congrats!" My face scrunches. Why didn't Lapis kiss me. Should I be concerned about that? Do people really forget about kissing their significant others upon departures? I sigh and sip my Red Bull before I remember where I just retrieved it from. Honestly, I wouldn't kiss me either.

The day didn't go quick enough before I was interacting with Pearl yet again. Then again in PE, since she transferred into our class. It seems cruel that my day must start and end with Pearl in my class, and this cruelty was prolonged today because of the need to work on our lab. We are actually going to work on the trifold part of our project. We're essentially going to measure the electrophoretic patterns of peroxidase in corn roots and extracts from shoots. Pearl suggested this elaborate trifold that was yellow and green, and she wants to glue actual corn cobs to it. I don't know how we're going to pull it off, but I also don't care because my part of the essay and my contribution to the experiment will be more interesting than some corn themed trifold board.

The car ride with Pearl is the opposite of riding with Lapis. For starters there's no music. Pearl sits up perfectly straight and keeps her eyes trained only on the road, but she still looks nervous. She swerves within her lane of traffic and drives about five miles below the speed limit. When Lapis gets cut off she says "motherfucker," when she sees a cop she says "Oh, shit," and when some brakes suddenly in front of her she says "fuck you." These are standard responses. Pearl however says things like "Oh darn!" or "Excuse you, sir" or "I don't appreciate that." Every polite swear she says makes me want to open the car door and roll out.

We finally get to her house. A brick one-story with a well maintained garden out front. Her room was sickeningly pastel. Each frilly throw pillow unnerved me and the mint green walls paired just too well with the pink bed sheets and white furniture. There was no mess, much like Lapis' room, but unlike my girlfriend's room there was no fun. There was no indication that this room was used for anything other than photoshoots. My mom would love this. I however, hate it.

When Pearl sits down at the desks and starts to use her computer it feels a bit odd. It's weird to see a living being interact with this environment, but Pearl is just barely living. She dances on the line of robot and human being. The picture of her that decorates the wall to my left only confirms my belief. It's a large printed photo of her stretched into some impossible ballet position confirms my belief. "Peridot," her neat voice shifts the direction of my focus "We should get started."

The actual process of assembling the trifold is miserable. Pearl gets more and more frustrated as I cut squares out with my scissors. Apparently you're supposed to use a paper trimmer to get the straightest edges, but I've never been great at cutting (or being) straight. Pearl also gets annoyed by the way I apply glue to the back of papers. She tells me that I should put more glue in the corners instead of the center. She thinks I'm sloppy, but I think she's a bitch. Eventually she asks me to just print out papers. That much I can manage.

Lapis would enjoy this. She mentioned to me before how much she enjoys trifolds. Her and I would be the ideal pair of partners because she'd let me just type all the information and make the graphs and she'd edit my writing and assemble it neatly and artistically onto a board. I think we balance each other out in this way; it's kind of refreshing that we're so different, but there is something about us on a deeper level that's identical.

I turn my head to look back at the board and I'm surprised by how much progress Pearl has made without me. The board is pastel yellow with white lace running up the sides of the board. I cringe, we never agreed on lace. "You didn't want to check with me before doing that?"

"Why would I?" Her eyes remain focused on the board. She doesn't so much as glance in my direction. "There's nothing inherently wrong with what I'm doing."

"You seem to lack an understanding of common courtesy." I huff.

"I didn't think you cared much for appearances," her eyes flicker up and her lips tighten as she looks at my mismatched socks. She wouldn't have to worry about my mismatched socks if she didn't make me take my shoes off at the door. "Just don't worry about it, Peridot," she says with a forced smile "Have you finished your calculations?"

I hand over my pages of notes silently, afraid that something terrible will come out if I open my mouth. "Peridot, is this a joke? You need to type them and print them the way I typed mine." I stare at her blankly. "Your measurements are all on centimeters too. I did mine in inches. I told you what you needed to do. This is horrific. You're aware of when this is due, right?" A splash of pink flashes across her white cheeks and the veins that show beneath her translucent skin seem to bulge. I tune her out as she continues ranting and I imagine her talking and talking until her head simply bursts from all the pressure she puts on herself.

I snatch my papers out of her hand "The metric system is always preferred to the customary one. I don't why you chose to measure in inches."

"The numbers were whole."

"Because they were actually exact or because you rounded them? I can't stand you."

"Why's that? Because I'm better at biology?"

"No because you're a bitch." I know that it's probably not smart to go head to head with Pearl like this, but I can't help myself.

"Name calling is low of you. Are you always this socially impaired?" She snapped.

"Are you always this stuck up?"

"Only when I'm dealing with people who seem to have no direction." She tries and fails to mellow out her tone "You know Peridot, you're just a bucket of wasted potentially."

Her shrill voice is just too familiar "Tell me something I don't know," I huff.

"I thought working with you on this project would be decent. You're very bright even if your opinions on climate change are just completely incorrect, but this has been miserable. You're grumpy, miserable, and lazy. I honestly don't know how Lapis puts up with you."

"Don't talk about her."

"I'm simply expressing my concerns. Lapis is my friend too-"

"Lapis is more than my friend," I feel myself start to steam "She's my girlfriend."

"Maybe she shouldn't be." Pearl says this so evenly that I genuinely think she doesn't know how offensive she's being.

"Who asked you?" I snarl.

"Hear me out Peridot. Lapis has a lot of problems and she doesn't need someone so volatile to-"

"To what?

"I said to hear me out! Lapis and I have been getting close lately."

"Close?"

"Like I said we're very close friends and-"

"What do you mean?" I interject, this time accidentally. Pearl's mouth tightens.

"Since you won't listen, just look for yourself." Pearl reaches into her closet and pulls out a blue bag; she gently tosses it into the middle of her room. Beside it she places a folded pair of jeans, a crop top, and a bathing suit. "Those are hers-sit back down." I hadn't realized that I was standing or that I was halfway to her bedroom door. I pause for a moment and lock eyes with Pearl. Her face twists and reddens. Everything about her is sharp. "You need to at least finish your part of the project before you leave."

"I'll do my part, matter of fact I'll do the whole thing." I grab my backpack and everything else I brought in with me. I contemplate taking Lapis' stuff too, but right now I can't stand her and I don't want to hold a handful of her stupid clothes. I start to storm out.

"We were assigned to be partners!" I hear Pearl cry with complete exasperation. I ignore her and march out of her room "You might want to walk yourself to the lab so that you can recollect your data!" she calls after me. I walk out the front door and leave it open before sprinting until I can no longer see her home. I just barely reach the front of her neighborhood before I'm wheezing. My feet also burn. I suddenly realize that I left my shoes at Pearl's house and that I ran two large holes into my socks. I laugh a little; now I know I'm crazy. My feet keep moving me forward and forward, I'm filled with this raw primal energy that I used to get at 3am when I was two fights away from reaching the boss level and my mouth was still moist from a second can of Monster. They say jealousy is a green eyed monster, and I'm really starting to feel it pump through my veins like my second favorite energy drink. I would start sprinting again, but my lungs would probably give out. I settled for a fast paced stalk as my feet lead me to the only place I can think to go.

I see her before she sees me, which isn't surprising given how striking her blue hair looks in the sun. She's sitting at the edge of the pool with her legs slowly swinging back and forth. She has a large yellow hat and sunglasses. Her red lifeguard one piece completes the primary color trifecta, and this whole scene looks picturesque. As soon as I pass through the gate I drop all of my belongings onto a nearby pool chair and shake out my sore arms. She finally looks up at me. "Peridot?" I pause for a moment and just stare at her. She starts to stand, taking off her hat and glasses. She says my name again. I run towards her, always being one to face my problems head on. "Peridot, what are you doing he-?"

Before she finishes her thought I reach up and grab a fistful of her blue locks. I pull her head down towards me and grimly think of the promise she made me last week. "No more fights," she said. I smirk.


End file.
